She Wolf
by VAfanfiction
Summary: Rose has been gone for two years and everyone has accepted the fact that she is dead. But a new discovery shocks those closest to her and changes the rules of what everyone believes in
1. Chapter 1

_**This story is set two years after Spirit Bound. After Dimitri said 'Love fades, mine has,' Rose disappeared and was never heard from again. A few months after her disappearance, Lissa felt the bond break and that is when everyone came to the conclusion that Rose must be dead. This is my first ever story that I have been thinking of writing for quite some time now and I am hoping that I have the motivation to actually continue and complete it. I hope you all enjoy and please give me your thoughts on what you think!**_

Hans Croft sat at the head of the table at the Guardians Headquarters, waiting for the others to join him. To say he was stunned was an understatement. He didn't know how long he sat there, going over everything he just watched in the surveillance video. Hans thought he had seen it all, but that was far from the truth now.

He looked up at the sound of knocking on his door.

He pulled out of his thoughts, and called out, "Come in."

One by one, they started to come in. The only people who might be able to help him make sense of what he just saw: Guardian Janine Hathaway and her charge Ibrahim Mazur, Guardian Edison Castile, Guardian Alberta Petrov, Lord Christian Ozera, Princess Vasilissa Dragomir, and Guardian Dimitri Belikov.

There were other guardians in the room as well, but he knew this group might be able to help him. He gestured for them to take a seat before continuing.

"Thank you for joining me today. I know it is out of character for non-Guardians to be present during these meetings, but I believe what I am about to show you all is very crucial and something I hope you can all help me with." The group looked at one another slightly confused before turning back to Hans and waiting for him to continue.

"Recently, a large number of dhampir and moroi girls were taken from Novosibirsk by a group of strigoi. We have reason to believe that they will be using the women for their own personal uses along with making a profit off of them." Hans paused his speech to let what he said digest with the group. He could see Princess Vasilissa pale at what he said, probably worrying over the poor girls that were taken.

He continued. "Through some extensive research, we were able to find the location of where the girls were taken. They are currently being held up in Michigan. An alchemist was able to go in under false pretenses of being a buyer and set up hidden cameras around the building. We have been watching them for the past week and setting up an attack plan to rescue the girls."

At this, Dimitri, Eddie, Janine, and Alberta nodded in understanding. They knew of the raid coming up and Dimitri and Eddie had been recruited to take part in the mission.

Hans took a deep breath before continuing. "This morning, our footage showed us something that um," he stuttered and tried to find the right words to continue. In all the time the group had known Hans Croft, they had never seen him so flustered and lost for words. "It seems that there will be no need for a raid after all." He finally said after a long pause.

"And why is that," Alberta asked.

Hans looked down again and tried to find the right words to help him continue. Finally he looked up at the group of people sitting in front of him. The group who had changed drastically in the past two years that he had known them. _Pain does that to a person,_ he thought.

Taking a final deep breath, Hans finally answered.

"Do you believe in ghosts?"


	2. Chapter 2

The group became even more confused as they looked around at one another. What Hans said was more to himself than anything, but it still had everyone on edge for what he would reveal next.

"Please just tell us what is happening Guardian Croft," Vasilissa said, her calming and encouraging tone helping Hans go forward with why he had called this meeting in the first place.

"Very well. I am clearly having trouble finding the words to explain everything, so I think it would be best if I just showed you the video footage from this morning." With that, Hans grabbed a remote that was sitting by him and started the clip that he had watched 11 times already before the others had joined him.

Christian grabbed Lissa's hand in support and comfort. He didn't know what type of material was going to be shown in the video, but if it involved kidnapped girls and strigoi, then he knew it couldn't be pretty.

The clip zoomed into what looked to be a large warehouse. There were tinted windows surround three of the walls. There were 5 strigoi sitting and talking to one another on the main floor. The view points from the other cameras showed approximately 15 strigoi walking the perimeters of the building. There was also footage of what appeared to be a basement that looked like the holding cell for the girls. Looking at the footage, the group could see at least 30-40 girls sitting in fear on the basement floor. To their horror, some of the victims seemed to be children as young as five years old. There were 8 other strigoi standing in the basement, keeping watch. It was still crazy to think strigoi could actually band together and work with one another, but the group knew too well how true that was.

Hans clicked a button on the remote that caused the focus to be shifted on to the main floor of the warehouse. The picture was loud and clear, and they could hear everything that was being said. The camera seemed to be at level with the top of the strigois' heads. It gave a clear view of the whole room. The group there seemed to be the ringleaders.

They seemed to be discussing buyers that would be coming in in a couple of hours and which girls they would select to show them. The video cut off to show the outside of the warehouse again.

The group seemed intrigued and watched as four strigoi on one side of the building walked along the edges of the woods. Within a blink of an eye, they were snatched and taken into the woods. It happened so quickly, they couldn't tell who or what had taken them. The sounds of their screams and growls ripped through the speakers as they saw a strigoi head being thrown back into the view of the camera.

The group gasped, and Lissa was visibly shaken up. Hans looked apologetically towards the princess, but she had to be here. The cameras on each side of the building showed similar events as the ones they just saw. Strigoi were snatched and they had no way to tell what had taken them.

The video cut back to the main floor again as the group stopped what they were doing once they heard the screams. Before they had time to react, the front door flew off its hinges. They all spread out quickly, taking on a fighting stance to fight off the intruder.

The type of strength someone needs to break a door off its hinges like that can only be accomplished by a strigoi, Dimitri thought.

Someone walked into the warehouse and the jaws of everyone at HQ dropped. The guardians surrounding the room also seemed to be visibly shocked at what they were seeing.

There was a collective gasp that went around the room. The group at the table couldn't believe it, because surely their eyes were playing tricks on them.  
Because the person who came into clear of the camera was none other than Rose.

A small scream of anguish ripped through Janine's throat as she looked at TV. She, along with everyone else thought her baby was dead. The reactions of everyone else seemed to be similar. Eddie, Christian, and Alberta paled at the sight of Rose, Abe seemed close to tears to see the daughter he had been mourning for close to two years now, and Lissa was full out sobbing.

Then there was Dimitri. A mixture of emotions flitted through his mind as he saw her. Pain, regret, guilt took the throne, but finally after two years, he felt a sliver of hope upon seeing her again.

They had all been there two years ago when Lissa screamed.

After Dimitri said those four words that made him hate himself more than anything he had ever done as a strigoi, Rose had disappeared. She was gone. She left everything behind, including all of her belongings, like clothes and her cellphone. They searched for three months, until they finally stopped.

They had come back to court for the night after spending the whole week searching for Rose. As they got out of the car, Lissa had gripped her head tight and fell to the ground. What happened next was forever sketched into their minds. She screamed out in complete anguish and pain. The bond had broke, she said. Rose was dead.

Back on the TV where the camera recording was still playing, they saw Rose walk further into the warehouse. She looked the same, but there were definitely changes in her appearance. Her facial features were sharper, and she seemed to have lost all of her baby fat. Her skinny jeans, boots and long sleeved black thermal showed off her curvy and incredibly toned figure off. Then there were her eyes. There was no spark left. Her eyes made her seem far older than she actually was and spoke volumes on the type of things she must have went through since she had gone missing.

The strigoi took one look at Rose and started laughing.

The one in the middle spoke up. "What is a dhampir doing here all alone?" He said, his tone threatening. They started coming closer to her like sharks ready to attack. The eyes of the strigoi were moving across Rose, and they were probably trying to decide if they should kill her or keep her for themselves.

"I'm here for the girls," she spoke with such conviction and confidence. There was something else in her tone that sounded a lot like boredom. Almost as if talking to them was a waste of her time. Lissa gasped hearing Rose's voice after so long.

The strigoi laughed again, "Brave words for a little girl," the one in the center sneered. "Humor us sweetheart, how do you plan on taking the girls." To this, Rose, silently laughed and looked behind her towards the entrance. In walked 4 dhampirs, 3 male and 1 female. All seemed to be near the same age as Rose and walked with the same confidence as she did. They all came to stand next to Rose and looked just as badass as she did.

"They are going to walk downstairs and set them free." She said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. This seemed to piss him off and he whistled loudly. A couple of seconds later, 4 strigoi who had been guarding the basement came upstairs to join the fight.

"Such confidence for a lowly dhampir. We're going to have fun killing you."

To this, Rose out right laughed. "You got it all wrong honey, you all are going to be the ones to die."

The one strigoi closest to the right spoke up, "Yeah, you and what army?"

Rose gave them a wide smile and there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. "Oh I thought you'd never ask." Rose said smirking. She looked at her group, and they nodded in her direction. The look on all of their faces was the same; they were excited.

Rose walked two steps closer to the strigoi and howled.

They didn't know who was more stunned, the strigois or the people sitting at HQ.

Right before their eyes, Rose's eyes changed to the color of red and claws spurted from her fingernails. They were able to make out fangs, a bit different from that of the moroi, in her mouth.

The roar was so powerful, the camera footage started to shake. The look on the strigoi's face was that of fear and shock. All of the sudden, the sounds of thumping could be heard, and not even 5 seconds later, wolves broke through each glass window surrounding the warehouse. There had to be at least 20 of them. The wolves seemed to know exactly who to attack and they got to work jumping on any strigoi they could find and ripping their limbs off.

Before the strigoi in front of Rose had time to react, she pounced on him like an animal and staked him.

The group of dhampirs rushed towards the basement door and got to work. They took out the three remaining strigoi with ease. Rose stepped back from the chaos and watched the wolves do the work. Sounds of growling, body parts ripping, bones cracking, and strigoi screaming in pain echoed through the speakers. She almost looked like a teacher, watching her students complete their tasks. Once each strigoi was dead, she roared again and the wolves immediately retreaded out the windows.

As the wolves left, Rose also went back to normal. Her eyes changed back to their deep brown color, the claws disappeared and there were no more fangs in her mouth.

The scene was a bloodbath unlike one they had ever seen before. Puddles and puddles of blood covered the floor of the warehouse. They couldn't tell which body parts lay by Rose's feet. Lissa, Christian, along with some of the guardians in the room seemed visibly sick and nauseas watching the video.

Rose walked towards the basement door and spoke.

"Is there any other way to exit the building, I don't want them having to through this mess." She asked. One of the dhampirs walked back up the stairs.

"There is one. It'll take a longer time to get to the vans though, since they'll have to walk around the building." He said to Rose. The man had a thick Russian accent and as Dimitri looked closely, he felt as if he had seen the man before.

Rose seemed to contemplate this before she spoke again. "There's kids down there?" She asked. The man nodded in solemnly. "Then take them out through the back. No kid should have to see this." The man nodded and walked back downstairs.

The footage showed the four dhampirs in the basement gently ushering the scared women and kids out of the basement.

Rose walked over to the desk that was set up near the back wall of the warehouse. There were papers scattered all over the table. She picked each of them and looked at what it said.

Nothing seemed to look too interesting. She was flipping through them, until she suddenly stopped when the contents of one page caught her eye. Her eyebrows furrowed in shock and frustration as she read the paper over. Her eyes widened and she dropped the paper back onto the table. Rose put her hands on the table and dropped her head, trying to process everything she read. She tried taking deep breaths to calm herself down.

The people at HQ were on edge, wanting to know what Rose must have read that elicited such a reaction from her.  
After a couple of minutes, the same dhampir she had spoken to earlier came back into the warehouse. "Everything good boss?" He asked as he came to stand directly behind Rose. She just shook her head and handed him the paper. The man grabbed the paper and read it over as Rose turned around to face him. "ебать-копать," he cursed in Russian.

"What do we do?" She asked him. "I can't go back, but they're going to need our help." She ran her fingers through her long mane in frustration.

The man grabbed Rose's hands from further assaulting her hair and gently held them in front of their bodies. Jealousy shot through Dimitri as we watched this man and his Roza standing so close together. He had no right to feel that way considering what he said to her when he saw her last.

"We do what we do best," the dhampir man said. "We protect those that need protecting."

Rose looked up at him. "I can't make you guys come with me. Its bad enough we left Russia, but now this," she said gesturing towards the paper that the man had placed back on the table.

"We go wherever you go, Rose. We're a pack." He said, smiling down at her.

She looked at his face for a moment longer to see if he truly meant what he said. When she seemed to have found her answer, she smiled up at him and shook her head at him. "No, we're a family."

The man smiled at her in response and reached over, grabbing the paper from the table once again. "I know you have no issue with the stench of blood, but I'm two seconds away from vomiting." The man joked, looking at the mess of blood and body parts that lay on the floor.

Rose laughed in response. "Alright let's go," she said, "we need to tell the others about the pit stop we need to make before heading back home."

The man nodded, "Royal court, here we come."

Rose looked around one more time at the mess of blood and bodies before she walked out of the building.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry for taking so long to update! I'm on vacation right now and I will try to update again while I'm here, but I can't make any promises :( Let me know what you guys think!**

I can't believe I was actually going back after two years. I had a mix of emotions playing within me as I imagined what it would be like to go back to the life that was taken away from me. I was extremely nervous and anxious; I hated not knowing what type of situation I was walking into.

I liked my life now. Denis, Lev, Arthur, and Tamara were like my family. They had so many reasons to judge me, to be afraid of me, but they weren't and they didn't. It was a bit difficult in the beginning but they whole-heartedly accepted me.

My relationship with them was a lot different from the one I had with Lissa and Dimitri. With the latter, I was open and wild. I made rash decisions and made sure to enjoy every aspect of my life.

After being taken away from court two years ago, I had changed. Before, it would take an army for me to shut up. Now, I could go hours, if not days without talking if I didn't need to. I smiled and laughed just so the others wouldn't get worried about me, because I knew they did.

There were times where I would disconnect myself from conversation without even realizing it or would find myself sitting alone and wallowing in my own despair and self-pity. I would see them giving me sidelong, worried glances. I would've fallen into a downward spiral or depression if it weren't for these four.

That didn't mean I didn't miss my old friends or my old life. If I thought about it hard enough, I could reduce myself to tears in seconds.

Granted my last few days at court weren't the best. Dimitri had refused to see me and admitted he no longer loved me. Lissa had ignored me for Dimitri. And my relationship with Adrian had been on the rocks, because he realized Dimitri would always be number one in my heart.

I still missed them so much. I missed my old life so much.

I know I had a chance to go back after I turned. But looking at them, and looking at Dimitri would've been too hard especially so soon after everything that happened.

Plus, I had just turned and had no control over my new abilities. I didn't know what I had become and needed to get away from people that I cared about in fear of hurting them.

But the biggest reason I didn't go back to court was, because I knew they thought I was dead. In the beginning of my capture, I was able to keep up with the bond. I knew they tried their best to find me and for that, I would love them forever. But when I was bit, I felt the bond break. They believed I was dead and I wasn't going to be the cause of their grief any longer.

That's how I ended up in Russia. Ever since going there to find Dimitri, I felt a connection to the place.

It took me a few months to get my new powers under control. I thought after leaving the area that I was turned, that it would mean that I would no longer have the pack that I met once I was turned. I was wrong. Any place I went, the wolves would follow. I had no idea there were so many wolves in the world. I would find myself surrounded by wolves everywhere I went.

I also learned how to control how and when I turned. The first two full moons I went through in Russia were painful and scary. My bones broke to accommodate the body of a wolf and I had to hide myself deep in the woods so my screams of pain wouldn't alert any human close by. Now, I am able to control when I turn. I've also gotten used to the pain. I actually look forward to it now. I have dealt with so much emotional pain in my life, that the physical pain feels freeing. I can almost understand why Lissa would cut herself to take away the mental pressure she felt due to spirit darkness.

My biggest concern when I turned was the fear of blood lust. I didn't know if wolves were the same as strigoi and I was scared that I wouldn't be able to control myself around blood.

Fortunately, I had no such cravings. In my wolf form, I enjoyed my share of deer and other woodland creatures.

But I had no qualms against ripping off a strigoi's head with my bare teeth.

After getting my wolf in control, I realized I didn't want to leave Russia. So I decided to look for the others. It wasn't hard. I knew from my own time with them that Novosibirsk was their hunting ground. Before joining their group, I told them about my new wolf form.

They were hesitant and wary, but after learning about what had transpired that caused me to become a werewolf, they eventually accepted me. Not to mention, with my new abilities, we were strigoi killing machines.

We also never planned on leaving Russia. By some miracle, I was able to find a bakery owned by the cutest old, Russian couple I had ever met. And they sold the tastiest chocolate glazed donuts I had ever had in my 20 years on this earth.

Their granddaughter was one of the girls that were taken. Their grief-stricken face was enough for all of us to decide to follow the strigoi all the way to Michigan to rescue the girls. We were actually surprised when we got there to see how many girls were taken. And it was upsetting to know that it occurred right under our noses.

I was pulled out of my thoughts from Tamara asking me a question.

"Huh, sorry what did you say?" I asked, turning around to look at her. We had decided to stop in Connecticut to come up with a plan of how we were going to handle the situation at hand.

We were currently in a hotel room, lounging around.

"I asked how long you think we're going to be at the court for?" She asked. I knew she wanted to know so she could let her boss know when she would be back.

I looked at the paper Denis and I had taken from the warehouse. I read it again.

 _Czechoslovakia has joined the movement. They will be joining Russia and Bulgaria in two weeks. There, we will attack the Royal court and kill the Queen._

 _-X_

Leave it to strigoi to be ominous and creepy even in a letter. I honestly didn't know what to take from the letter. I had no clue how many strigoi there were going to be. All I knew was that the letter was postmarked four days ago and we were running out of time.

More and more strigoi were starting to work together and I had a feeling this attack would be the biggest one we would ever see.

I looked at Tamara apologetically. "I honestly can't be sure. There is still over a week left to meet the deadline they've given in the letter, but who knows when they actually show up."

"Okay, for now, I'll let my boss know that I'll be back in two weeks." She said, picking up her phone and walking out of the room, presumably to call her boss.

I sighed and looked at the boys, silently willing them to help me with the dilemma we've landed ourselves into.

Denis looked amused at my expression. "Rose, stop stressing, it will be fine." Out of the four, Denis and I were the closest. All we had to do was share a look. He just had a way of knowing what to say to me the right time.

I sighed out loud again. "What am I supposed to say to them when they ask where I've been or why I never came back after everything?" I asked.

"How about the truth." Lev said from the bed he was half asleep on. The time difference was taking a toll on us hard, which was another reason we had decided to stop at a hotel and rest.

Thinking about the truth, let alone talking about it was going to hurt. No one knew the full extent of what happened, not even Denis.

If there was anyone who deserved the full truth of what happened, it was Dimitri. The pain I went through was connected to him. When I told the group what had transpired with me and how I became a wolf, there were some parts I left out. I always told myself that the first person to hear that part of the story would be Dimitri and if he didn't, then that secret would die with me.

"Yeah, you're right." I said quietly.

"мой маленький волк" Denis said softly. _My little wolf._ That, along with 'boss' were the nicknames he often used for me. Once, Arthur had called me 'Roza' and I freaked out and started crying, and the group understood never to call me that again. That named was reserved solely for the Belicovs.

I looked up at Denis and met his kind eyes. "You're not going in there alone. We'll all be there for you. If you feel overwhelmed or attacked, then we will leave." He looked me straight in the eyes, to show just how much he meant his words. I looked at Arthur and Lev, who both looked at me the same way Denis was. I felt myself smiling at them.

"I don't deserve you guys." I said, softly.

"You're right, but you're stuck with us so tough shit." Lev said, lightening the mood.

"So I'm thinking we rest up and head over there tomorrow. The sooner we get there, the sooner we get to go home."

Tamara had just come back into the room. The group nodded in my direction.

"As soon as we get there, we get to business. I'll request a meeting with the head guardian, Hans Croft. Hopefully we'll be getting there with plenty of time for them to call in extra reinforcements."

"Sounds good to us," Tamara said.

We spent the rest of the night eating, joking around, and resting.

Tomorrow, I would go back to the life that was brutally taken away from me.  
Tomorrow, everything would change.

Little did I know, the people at court were thinking the same while waiting for my arrival.


	4. Chapter 4

**I am so sorry it took so long to update. I just got back from vacation last week and college started right away. I will make sure to update again really soon and have absolutely loved the response I've gotten so far! Let me know what you all think!**

Third Person POV

Ever since watching the surveillance video featuring Rose, everyone at court was anticipating her arrival. All they got from the video was that her and her friends would be stopping by court.

Everyone woke early on the start of the vampiric day. Lissa and Christian would try to stay as long as they could, but they had moroi duties to fulfill, and still they constantly kept in contact with guards at the gate to have them inform them if Rose showed up. Janine and Abe were seen throughout the vampire day, stopping by the gates constantly to see if Rose had come. When the sun rose, they retreated back to bed to rest before getting up early to show up at the gates again.

The one constant figure at the gates was Dimitri. Every one who stopped by, whether it was Lissa, Christian, Abe, Janine, or even Hans, all saw Dimitri there.

Everyone was convinced he had barely left the gate since watching the video. He spent day and night waiting for Rose to return.

Dimitri was trained to go without sleep for 72 hours and he was proving that, by going to his room for a quick nap and a change of clothes only. Even then, he had strictly told every guard that even stopped by the gates to let him know as soon as Rose showed up.

It wasn't until the fourth day after the video that Rose came to court. The sun was just starting to set and the rest of the vampire world would be getting up in a few hours. Dimitri was pacing on the inside of the gate, when he was alerted like the rest of the guards by a car pulling up. The guards were already informed that Rose Hathaway would be coming so it was easy to get access granted into court.

Rose was surprised at how easy it was. She knew she was a well-known figure in the vampire world, but it had been two years since she had been gone. She exchanged confused glances with her companions, because they were all thinking the same thing. It was like they were waiting for her to show up.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Rose grumbled from the passenger seat. Just like Dimitri, the group never trusted her behind the wheel.

"One of the hard parts is already over. We're in. Now we just need to find someone in charge to get the ball rolling," Tamara, the voice of reason, said from the back seat. She leaned over and squeezed Rose's shoulder in support. "It's going to be okay."

Lev pulled the car up to a stop after entering the gates.

"Let's get this show on the road," Rose said looking at all four people in the car.

Before she unbuckled her seatbelt, she caught a glimpse of a figure staring directly at her side of the car.

Rose and Dimitri always had this keen awareness of one another. She still remembers feeling him standing in the back of her classes without actually ever seeing him.

She looked out the window, staring at Dimitri as he stared back at her.

For Dimitri, he never thought he would see Rose again. Kind of like Lissa, he always felt like him and Rose were bonded. Even though Lissa had felt the bond break, something inside Dimitri always told him that there was no way Rose could be gone from this world so quickly. And seeing her now, he hated himself even more that he never went out to find her. Rose had never let him down and all he did was disappoint her.

Rose finally unbuckled herself from her seat and opened the door. The group stared at Rose, but came to the conclusion that the man eliciting this response could only be Dimitri.

Dimitri slowly starting walking towards Rose, he wanted to run but was scared that the image in front of him would disappear.

"Dimitri," Rose whispered to herself. No one had hurt her more in life than Dimitri, but she still loved him. And after turning into a werewolf, she learned that her feelings for him became even deeper. There would be times where her chest would physically hurt from the thought of him. She was convinced he was her mate.

And she didn't even want to think of the pain she went through during her needing period. Rose, along with the group were still shock how the pain she went through during that time didn't kill her.

So that was why Rose was able to ignore, for now, the hell Dimitri put her through. It was because she knew he was and will always remain the one who has her heart.

And with that final thought, she ran into the arms of the man she loved.

"Dimitri," she sobbed as she finally fell into his arms. Dimitri wrapped his arms tightly around Rose, scared that if he even slightly loosened his grip, that she would leave him again.

"Roza, my Roza, where have you been?" He said into her neck. "Where have you been, my Roza?" Dimitri squeezed his eyes shut, because he could feel the grief he held in for the last two years making him come undone.

Rose did not realize how much she missed hearing 'Roza' come from his mouth. It was like music to her ears.

"Oh Dimitri," she sobbed into his chest. She could already feel the tears making his shirt wet, but she did not give a damn.

Dimitri grabbed Rose's face and started planting kisses all over. He kissed her forehead, cheeks, chin, nose, eyes, neck, and finally her lips. He kept on peppering kisses on her lips. It had been too long.

Rose responded back just as enthusiastically. She could feel more tears starting to stream down her face, and was aware of her tears mixing with Dimitri's. She finally felt like she was home.

A cough from behind Rose finally brought the two back to the real world. They didn't completely pull away from each other, nor did they tear their eyes away from one another.

Rose stared into Dimitri's deep brown eyes that she loved so much and willed her self to stop crying. Tamara, Arthur, Lev, and Denis all walked up so they were right behind her. She tore her gaze away from Dimitri to finally look at the four that had become her family.

Though they weren't actual guardians, they were trained to be just as good as them. If she hadn't known them so well, she would have only seen their hard expressions. But behind that look was the emotions she could see in their eyes, and from their eyes she could tell how happy they were for her.

Rose saw a bit of wariness mixed in, considering she was with Dimitri. They knew what she went through to restore him and how he refused to acknowledge her existence afterwards. They were protective of Rose and she loved them for it.

"Dimitri, this is Tamara, Lev, Arthur and Denis. Guys, this is Dimitri." As she introduced them to him, she turned her gaze back to Dimitri.

Dimitri nodded in their direction in respect. He looked at Denis a little longer than the rest. "You are Nikolai's brother?" He asked

Denis nodded his head.

"It seems like we will be family soon." Rose whipped my head towards Dimitri again.

"Viktoria and Nikolai?" She asked, shock and happiness written all over her face.

Dimitri gave Rose one of his beautiful smiles and nodded his head.

"Seems like we will be seeing each other in the future, as well." Denis said to Dimitri. Rose didn't know why she was so on edge with these two conversing with one another. It was almost as if they were sizing each other up.

Dimitri turned towards Rose again and said softly, "I would get ready."

She turned her head slightly to the side and gave him a confused look. What was he talking about?

"The rest should be here soon to see you." He explained. Her confusion only grew. Now that Rose had cried and met Dimitri, she was left wondering why he was out there in the first place. It seemed like he had been anticipating her arrival.

"How…" but she never got the chance to finish, because a surprise scream from behind Rose tore her attention away from Dimitri.

Rose looked to see her parents, Lissa, and Christian all running towards her. She made it easier for them and ran into the person, or people who were closest to her, which happened to be her parents. They both enveloped Rose in a bear hug and she could feel my tears starting up again.  
"My baby, oh my baby. I thought I had lost you forever," Janine cried into Rose's arms, as her dad, similar to Dimitri, peppered kisses all over her hair and forehead. Her mom pulled away slightly to look her over, and Lissa took that opportunity to squeeze her self in and crush Rose in a hug.

"Where have you been Rose? What happened? Where have you been?" She cried hard into Rose's shoulder. The group seemed to all have the same question running through their mind. They wanted to know what had happened to Rose in the past two years. Just thinking about explaining the story was causing her to have anxiety. All she knew was that she needed to pull Dimitri aside first. He needed to know before anyone else did.

Lissa finally pulled away and Rose was surprised to be pulled into a quick, but powerful hug my Christian.

"I missed you Rosie." He said quietly.

"I missed you, too Firecrotch." He pulled away laughing and Rose took that opportunity to look over the most important people in her life who she had not seen in two years. Abe and Janine had visibly aged and she felt horrible for putting them through that. Lissa seemed thinner, if that was even possible. Dimitri had also seemed to have lost a bit of weight, and after hugging him, she concluded that he must spend even more time in the gym since his body seemed to feel like pure, hard muscle. He also had dark circles under his eyes and he seemed to look older, as well.

Rose knew she must look different to the group as well. She has lost her baby fat over the past two years and her hair had definitely gotten longer.

She introduced her parents, Lissa and Christian to her group of friends.

"Did you guys know I was coming?" Rose finally asked the question that was nagging her ever since she pulled up to the gates of court.

"Yes," said a new voice. Hans had been alerted of Rose Hathaway's arrival by the guards and wanted to get right down to business.

"How?"

"We saw the surveillance video of the Strigoi hideout in Michigan." Hans said, no emotion in his voice.

"What?" Rose said quietly. This could not be happening.

"We've been waiting for you." Dimitri said from behind her.

Rose shared worried glances with her four friends. They understood why she was scared. In Michigan, she had shown parts of her wolf side. Rose wanted to sit down and explain what happened before showing them her wolf, but it was too late; they already knew.

She took a step back, closer to her friends and her source of comfort for the past two years.

Lissa took a tentative step towards Rose and put her hands up in a show of support.

"We are not judging you Rose, we just want to know what happened to you." She said in her calming voice.

"We would also like to know what was in the note." Hans said. Of course they knew about the note, they knew everything.

Rose shared another glance at her group and they all came to a silent agreement that it was time to sit down and discuss why they had come here in the first place.

"Okay, lets sit and talk." Rose said, looking specifically at Hans, since he was the one in charge. All he did was nod, and start towards the building. He didn't need to look back to see if everyone was following him, he already knew. They reached HQ and made it the main conference room with a few shocked glances in their direction.

Rose was thankful they had decided to show up when most of the vampire world would be sleeping.

Right as they came into the room, Christian spoke up.

"Rose there's just something I needed to know before we start." He said, as they all took seats around the conference table. Rose already knew what he wanted to know and could feel her face and body hardening in defense.

"What?" She replied, and everyone could detect the change in her tone. Tamara, Lev, Arthur, and Denis all leaned closer to Rose, as a show of solidarity towards her. They knew what was coming.

The rest could also see the slight change in demeanor in the group.

Christian shared a quick and confused glance with Lissa before proceeding.

"It's just that around the same time you left, Aunt Tasha disappeared, too. I wanted to know if you had seen her or have any idea where she might be."

Rose closed her eyes and took a deep breath to calm her self down. She could feel her wolf trying to claw its way to the surface and had to push her away. They might have seen part of Rose's wolf side in the video, but she knew they weren't ready to see it in person yet.

She finally calmed down a little to reply back to Christian.

"Tasha is dead." She said, her voice void of any emotions.

Lissa gasped out loud and Christian's jaw dropped. Everyone aside from Rose and her friends shared shocked looks with one another.

Christian tried to find his voice, but was unable to so Hans spoke for him.

"How can you be positive?" Hans asked Rose

"Because I'm the one that killed her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi everyone, I'm so sorry its taken so long to update. I've been so busy with college that I've barely had the time to do anything else. Just a quick note, this story's timing is a little different from that of the books. In the books, there were several months between the time Dimitri was turned into a strigoi to when he was restored. In my story, I've had the time period be shortened to three months. There are also a few more changes from the original story. I've already started writing the next chapter and will be uploading that hopefully by tomorrow!**

 **All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

Everyone started to question Rose at once.

"What the hell do you mean you killed her?" Christian was definitely the loudest and angriest of the group. The only one not questioning her was Dimitri. He was looking at Rose oddly, like he couldn't believe what she said, but he was still backing her for whatever was going to come next.

"Alright everyone quiet down," Hans spoke loudly, silencing the group. He looked at Rose expectantly, as if urging her to clear the air of whatever she had said.

She shrugged in response, as if that should be good enough of an answer for the group.

Luckily, Denis interjected.

"We are here for far more pressing matters than to discuss the people Rose has killed." Rose slid the note over to Hans. He looked it over and read it out loud to everyone in the room.

"There is an army of strigoi coming, numbers our world is not ready for and that should be the issue we must be focused on right now." Denis, the voice of reason for Rose, said looking pointedly at everyone in the room.

Hans visibly looked stressed as he ran a hand over his face.

"This might be an attack like we've never seen before."

"And that's why we need to prepare."

"So what we can gather from this note is that there will be a strigoi attack within a week at the palace," Hans stated.

Rose nodded in response.

"We're here to help." She said gesturing towards herself and her four friends. "You can tell from the footage from Michigan that I have a lot more, um friends that could also help fight the strigoi." It was still weird to Rose there were people aside from her group of friends that knew she was a werewolf, but if they were going to work together, then she had to get them ready to expect the presence of wolves during the fight.

"We'll call into other academies to see if they can send over some of their guardians, as well." Hans said, nodding over to two guardians in the corner. They nodded in response and left.

You had to love guardian efficiency; they had just sat down and already the plan for what do about the upcoming strigoi attack was already in motion.

"Alright well just point us in the direction of where we'll be staying and we'll see you when the bloodsuckers get here," Rose said getting up. She hadn't seen these people in 2 years and she was starting to feel overwhelmed with all of them looking at her, waiting for answers.

"Not so fast," Hans motioned for Rose to sit back down. Her mom and Dimitri also seemed to be teetering on the edge of their seat, as if worried that Rose would bolt any second and they would never see her again. "You just admitted to killing a royal moroi. I am obligated to question what you just told us."

He had a point there.

"Fine, what do you want to know?" Rose asked, begrudgingly.

"What the hell did my aunt ever do to you?" Christian, not surprisingly, was the first to ask. Before Rose could respond, he continued. "You always had it out for her, ever since you found she was interested in Dimitri. I never would have thought you'd kill someone over a man, who clearly didn't even want you anymore." Christian was pushing it and Rose could feel her wolf trying to claw its way out. She could tell her friends were starting to get upset, as well. They didn't know the full story of what Tasha did Rose, but they knew enough to know that she had deserved to die.

"Watch it Ozera," Dimitri said quietly. Rose looked at Dimitri shocked. She didn't think he would be defending her right now. They might have shared a kiss earlier, but she never forgot how horribly he had treated her that last time they had seen each other. Maybe he just wanted be left out of whatever Christian was saying,

"What, you can't possibly be sticking up for her right now. I thought Tasha was your friend." Christian accused Dimitri.

"She was and I also know Rose wouldn't have done something like this without a good reason." Dimitri responded back.

Rose looked around and assessed the room. She knew for sure that Denis, Lev, Arthur, Tamara, and her parents would have her back no matter what she said. Just looking at Janine and Abe's face, she could tell they were ready to side with their daughter no matter what she was going to say. Lissa would feel obligated to side with Christian, at least for the beginning. Rose wasn't sure who's side Dimitri was on right now. He seemed to be defending her right now, but there was also another time where she thought he would believe her and he didn't.

Rose had to get this over with. As much as she was dreading this conversation, she just wanted it over with.

"Tasha took everything away from me," Rose whispered. She was speaking to no one in particular. It got like that when she started to talk about what had happened to her.

"What do you mean kiz?" Asked Abe. Rose's parents wanted to know what could have happened to their only child to have her disappear without a trace.

"She found out something about me, something she felt threatened by," Rose said looking down at her lap. God, she should've never came back.

"Rose, you're going to have to be a bit more specific than that," said Janine.

Denis reached over and squeezed Rose's hand, letting her know that she wasn't alone and urging her to go one. Dimitri didn't miss that action and jealously coursed through his veins to see another man comforting Rose like he wished he could.

"I need to speak with Dimitri," Rose said, looking up at everyone and then at Dimitri. "I need to speak with him alone first."  
"Ms. Hathaway, you're going to have give us a little bit more information if you want me to allow you to leave this room." Hans said, pointedly leaving out the title _Guardian_.

Rose scoffed, "With all due respect, I could rip your head off before you had the chance to blink so I would love to see you try and stop me from leaving this room."

"Rosemarie!" Janine scolded. Rose shouldn't have been surprised. No matter how long she spent away from the woman, she should've known that Janine wouldn't let Rose disrespect a figure of authority and get away with it.

Rose was starting to get angry and friends knew what that meant. All four turned to Rose and tried to calm her down.

"Just tell them what you told us, and then speak with Dimitri. They just want to understand what happened to you." Tamara said soothingly to Rose. Rose nodded in response, trying to take deep breaths to keep her wolf away. God, she couldn't believe she just threatened the head of the guardians.

"Right, right, sorry." Rose turned back around to the rest of the people in the room. Rose knew that what she would say next would be shocking to everyone, including her own friends. Only three people knew what happened next, and one of them was dead, and if Rose had anything to do with it, the second person would be dead soon, too.

"Before I continue, I need you all to remember to not judge or accuse him, because he wasn't himself when it happened. And it was consensual." Dimitri's eyes widened at what Rose had just said, while everyone, including Rose's friends looked confused.

Dimitri had a good feeling what Rose was about to reveal, but he didn't know how it tied into Tasha being killed.

"As all of you know, when the academy was attacked during our senior year, I had dropped out of St. Vlads to look for Dimitri in Russia." Everyone nodded in response. "Even though I came back alone, that doesn't mean I didn't find him."

Rose took a quick glance at Dimitri and her breath caught in her throat. He was urging her to continue. She had his support and she suddenly knew she could get through this.

"I stayed with Dimitri for a week." Yeah _stayed._ "A lot happened then. One thing led to another, and we slept together," Rose rushed through the last sentence.

Abe stood up so quickly that his chair fell back, "How fucking dare you?" Roared Abe, pointing his finger at Dimitri. Janine stood up next to Abe and looked even scarier than him. Rose quickly stood up, as well.

"He didn't want to have sex, I made him I swear!" Rose was telling the truth. Dimitri wanted to withhold sex from Rose and use it against her, but even strigoi Dimitri couldn't resist her. "If you want me to continue, I need you to calm down, please" she tried to reason with her parents. "Mom, dad, please." Hearing Rose refer to them as her parents finally made them sit down.

"First of all, whatever he did wasn't really him doing it. Second, I pretty much forced him to sleep with me. Even strigoi Dimitri couldn't make me to do something I didn't want to do." She chuckled humorlessly. Dimitri was ashamed about everything he did as a strigoi, but his time with Rose still haunted him till today.

"What does that have to do with my aunt," questioned Christian.

"I need to speak with Dimitri alone now. Please, I just need to tell him first. I'm asking nicely now, I won't be so nice a second time." Rose said, looking at Hans.

He looked at her for a few seconds and then finally agreed. Rose looked at Dimitri expectantly and he stood up.

"Let's go," he said softly, motioning her towards the door.

"I won't be long. As soon as I'm done telling him, I'll come back and tell you what happened, I promise." Rose looked over at her group of friends. They all smiled towards her, silently offering her their support, because she was sure as hell going to need it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the next chapter for the story. I'm adding a warning in the beginning, because this chapter is quite traumatizing, so don't read it if you can't handle death! I'll try to update soon!**

 **All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

Dimitri and Rose walked quietly side by side until they reached Dimitri's apartment. It was exactly how Rose could've imagined it to look, simple and modest just like the man living there. He had a small kitchenette that was off to the side and his bed was pushed against the far left corner of the apartment. There was a 'L' shaped brown, leather couch with a TV in the front. Rose scanned the room and her eyes landed on a book that sat at his side table. She didn't even realize what she was doing, as she picked up the western and held it close to her chest. It was like looking at that book alone was stirring up all of these old memories that she tried so hard to keep locked out of her brain. The whole place was making her go into sensory overdrive. She was surrounded by the scent of Dimitri's aftershave that she loved so much.

"Still think you can save the world, one outlaw at a time?" Rose teased, reluctantly putting the book back where she found it. Dimitri gave her a small smile and sadly shook his head.

"I stopped thinking that when I couldn't even save you." Rose stared at Dimitri and then turned around and walked to his couch. She was digressing. The rest were waiting for an explanation and she couldn't give them that until she finished talking to Dimitri.

"Maybe you should sit down." Rose could feel her palms getting sweaty as Dimitri took a seat next to her. Rose immediately took notice of Rose's fidgeting. He reached over and grabbed her hands to stop her from wringing them to death.

"What's going on, Roza?" He said looking at Rose in the eyes. Rose took a deep breath and told Dimitri what happened.

"After I came back from Russia and found out a way to save you, I started to feel some changes in my body. I blamed it on everything that was going on at the time and figured it had to be from all stress involving Victor, finding his brother, and restoring you. After you came back, though, the changes increased." Dimitri shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He hated thinking about how he had treated Rose when he was restored. His time as a strigoi was the worst, but at least a part of him knew his actions during that time could be blamed on his undead state. He had no one but himself to blame for how he treated Rose after he was restored. And it wasn't until she had disappeared that he realized what an ass he had been.

"That day when I came to see you in the church…" Rose trailed off. Dimitri knew exactly what day she was talking about. It was the last day he had ever seen her. "I had actually come there to speak with you, to tell you something. Earlier that day, I had decided to listen to the changes in my body and take a pregnancy test. It came out positive. So I took 6 more, and they all came back with the same result." Rose paused and let the news sink in.

If this were any other situation, Rose would have laughed at the expression on Dimitri's face. His eyes were wide and his mouth was hanging open.

"You were pregnant?" He finally asked, almost scared to know the answer.

Rose nodded. "It happened in Russia. The only times I had ever been with someone were in the cabin and then in Russia. I guess strigoi's can procreate with dhampirs." Rose shrugged. She didn't know the details about who could procreate with what, but she did know that Dimitri had somehow gotten her pregnant during the time he held her captive.

"I came to the church to get you to talk to me so I could tell you, but that didn't really go as I had planned." Rose didn't come there to blame Dimitri, but she would be lying if she said she wasn't slightly enjoying Dimitri look so guilty at Rose's mentioning of the church.

"On my way back to my room, I felt nauseas and ran to the nearest bush to throw up. I had been getting morning sickness for the past few days and that was what made me take the pregnancy test in the first place. Anyway, I thought no one had seen me get sick, but someone had. And that was Tasha." Rose had to take a deep breath to calm herself down. She had gotten past the easy part.

"Tasha came to my room, with her guardian fuck buddy, Ethan." Rose said, disgust contorting her face just saying their names. "He stood by the door and she sweet talked her way in, saying something about wanting to get together with Lissa and Christian for dinner."

"One minute, I was trying to come up with an excuse as to why I didn't want to go out and the next, she grabs my face and compels me to tell her who the father of my baby is." Rose looked at Dimitri and gave him a moment to process everything she had said so far.

"I guess she had been able to see the difference in my body and saw me throw up. Since she compelled me, I wasn't able to lie. So I told her the truth. I told Tasha that the father of my baby was you." Dimitri squeezed his eyes shut. He had a horrifying realization as to what turn this story was about to take.

"It was like some switch clicked off in her mind and suddenly her face took on a different look. Before I could register anything else, I was hit on the head and knocked out." The more Rose told of her story, the quieter and more pained her voice became. Dimitri kept squeezing his eyes shut and shaking his head, as if doing that would make the story, and everything Rose had gone through go away.

"When I woke up, I was about 40 miles away from court in the basement of an abandoned, burned down house. My arms and legs were tied by heavy chains so it was impossible for me to escape."

"Everyday, Tasha and Ethan would come in the basement. And everyday, they took turns torturing me."

"Oh Roza," Dimitri groaned, as he was the one being tortured.

"I honestly couldn't tell if Ethan was also being compelled or if he did it, because he truly loved Tasha that much. He would mostly beat me, but he always avoided my stomach. Tasha liked to use her fire magic to heat up my chains so it would slowly burn my skin. She did that everyday, and I never once got used to the pain." Rose could still smell her flesh burning when Tasha would scorch her chains.

"I didn't beg for my life once, but I did beg for my baby's." As she said that, Rose's hands automatically went to her flat stomach. She thought she would be able to hold it together, but she knew wasn't going to be able to. "I begged her Dimitri. I said do whatever you want with me, but please don't hurt my baby." Tears started to fall down Rose's cheeks as she thought about how much she pleaded with Tasha. She couldn't believe such a cruel and heartless person existed in the world.

Dimitri reached over and grabbed Rose's hands. He didn't know if he did it to support her or if he did it for himself. All he knew was that he was getting close to falling over the edge and he needed something to hold on to hear the rest of the story.

"They barely fed me, but our baby was strong. I could feel its life inside of me and it was the only thing that kept me going. I always sat there and wondered why Tasha didn't just kill me and get it over with. But I realized killing me wasn't going to be enough for her." Dimitri squeezed Rose's hands so tightly, he could see them turning white.

"3 months after Tasha had taken me, my body couldn't take it anymore. I had become too weak. They had purposely stopped feeding me and it had been days since I had last eaten. My body was beaten and bruised, and the only reason I hadn't given up hope was, because of our child. It's like anytime I wanted to keep my eyes closed and never wake up, it would give me a small kick and tell me to keep fighting. One night, Ethan was in the middle of beating me, when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. My stomach kept cramping and when I looked down, I saw blood running down my legs." Rose squeezed Dimitri's hands and looked at him through her tears. His head was down and she could see tears running down his cheek. _Come on Rose, you're almost there,_ Rose thought to herself before continuing.

"I remember Tasha started to laugh and kept repeating finally. She had Ethan unchain me and drag me outside. It was the first time I had been out in over three months. It was cold, damp and dark, and Ethan threw me onto the ground. I kept begging them to help my baby. That's all I wanted, for them to save my baby, but they just looked at me and started to walk away. Right when they were nearing a clearing, Tasha stopped and turned around. I didn't know if she was coming back to put me out of my misery or to help me. Then, she leaned forward and whispered in my ear, "If I can't have him, then no one can." Then she turned around and walked away. " Rose took a deep breath and squeezed Dimitri's hands again. The action made him look at her. She held onto his gaze, before continuing.

"That night, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She died the same day." Dimitri brought their joined hands up to his face and began to weep. He cried for Rose and he cried for his daughter; two innocent people who had been through more than they deserved.

"She was so tiny Dimitri, about the size of my hand. But she was beautiful, so, so beautiful. She had your hair," Rose sobbed out. Anytime she thought of her daughter, she cried. But actually discussing what happened to her to Dimitri, it felt like Rose was back in those woods, bloody, beaten, and holding her stillborn daughter to her chest.

"What kind of mother was I? I pledged my life to protect moroi, but I wasn't even able to save my own baby. I remember lying down on the wet, cold ground in the woods, with her on my chest. I named her 'Hope," Dimitri cried out loud hearing the name Rose had given their daughter.

"Oh Roza," he sobbed out.

"I used whatever strength I had left and buried her. I've gone through a lot of pain in my life Dimitri; being tortured, losing you, even dying. But when I wrapped Hope up in my torn shirt and buried her with my bare hands, I had never felt more in pain in my life. I felt as I had taken my heart out of my chest and was putting it in the ground with her."

"Afterwards, I had laid next to her grave and cried. I had never been so ready to die in my life. There was nothing else for me to live for, but fate had other plans for me. That night was the full moon, and I guess the cries of anguish from a mother in pain is a universal sound for every species. One minute I was alone, the next I was surrounded by a pack of wolves."

"I had lost so much blood, that I could barely register what happened next. Just as my eyes were starting to close, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. I was bitten. It felt like someone took a hot knife and shoved it into my arm. All of the sudden, the wolves were gone. They disappeared as quickly as they came."

"It was the craziest thing. I could feel the bite spreading through my body and healing me. It kind of felt like what happened when Lissa would heal; hot and cold. As soon as I thought the pain was over, I shifted for the first time." As Rose was telling Dimitri, she was shocked at how well he was taking it. She still remembered how he looked at her when she told him she was seeing Mason's ghost. She guessed that it helped that he had seen the footage from Michigan or he definitely would have a harder time believing her.

Rose continued, "Every single bone in my body started breaking to accommodate the body of a wolf. It felt like so long before I fully transitioned." Rose still remembers the first time like it was yesterday. She had run up to a small lake that was near the woods and nearly passed out looking at her reflection in the water. Her eyes were red and she had silver fur. She thought she looked beautiful.

"I had no idea what I became or what I was capable of, but I hadn't felt that powerful in ages, and I loved it. I trailed Tasha and Ethan's scent to a townhouse right outside of court. They weren't there, but I knew she would come back so I waited."

"Whether it was in my wolf form or my human one, I waited for her. And after 16 long days, she showed up."

 _Flashback_

Rose followed Tasha up to her front door. Tasha hadn't seen or heard anyone behind her as she opened her front door.

Right as Tasha was about to close the door behind her, Rose grabbed her by her black mane and slammed her onto the ground.

Tasha screamed out in a mixture of surprise and pain. The pressure on her head from how she landed had her disoriented for a couple of seconds. When she finally adjusted to her surroundings, the color drained from her face. She thought she was looking at a ghost.

"Rose wh-what are you doing here? You-you're supposed to be-"

"Dead? Yeah you wish." Before Tasha could say anything else, Rose punched her in the face once and knocked Tasha completely out.

When Tasha came to, she found herself in a cold and damp basement. The same basement that she kept Rose in. Fate had a funny way of biting you in the ass.

"Help! Help!" Tasha immediately started screaming. She hadn't spotted Rose yet looking at her with a look of boredom and hatred.  
"No one can hear you." Rose said casually, walking up to Tasha. "No one can save you. Isn't that what you said to me?"

"You can't do this to me Rose. I'm a royal moroi. Someone's going to come looking for me. You won't be able to get away with this." Tasha knew her threats weren't going to get her anywhere, but she still tried.

"Oh I can and I will." Suddenly, Rose's eyes glowed the color of blood and Tasha became completely pale.

"You-you're a strigoi?" She stuttered out.

"No Tasha, I'm something much worse." And then she attacked her.

Rose really wanted to drag out Tasha's torture. She wanted her to feel the same pain Rose had felt. But every time Rose looked at Tasha, all she could think about was how she had to bury her daughter in the middle of the woods.

"All for a guy Tasha? You killed my baby and tried to get rid of me all for a guy?" Rose screamed at Tasha. She still had a hard time trying to fathom what Tasha did to her.

"You don't get it! I love him! You're just an out of control teenager and he picked you over me! I'm not stupid Rose, I know he turned down my offer, because of you."

"We're not even together! Why now?"

"The only thing Dimitri loves aside from you is his dream to become a father and start a family. Don't think you're any better than me. We're a lot alike."

Rose looked at Tasha as if she grew two heads.

"Don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. You loved Dimitri so much, you willingly fucked him while he was a strigoi. I love him so much, that I willingly tried killing you. I did what I needed to do." Tasha confessed.

"And all for nothing. If I can't have him, no one can." Rose mimicked Tasha's words back at her. She was also done with the chit-chat. It was time for Tasha to pay.

Rose started to off by ripping Tasha's hands from her arms. Tasha had used her fire magic to torture Rose and that was the first thing Rose took away from her.

Then, she used her new wolf claws to make cuts all along Tasha's body. Rose wanted to keep the fun going, but Tasha was losing a lot of blood and Rose realized she'd be dead soon. So, Rose ripped through Tasha's chest with her bare hand and pulled out Tasha's cold, dead heart.

Before leaving the abandoned house, Rose took Tasha's phone out of her pocket. She had two missed calls from Ethan, along with three messages from him, asking Tasha where she was. The fourth message was from Christian, asking Tasha is she wanted to meet up for dinner later.

Rose felt a twinge of regret looking at Christian's message, but the feeling left as quickly as it came. She did it for Hope.

Rose took a picture of Tasha's bloody and lifeless corpse with her heart and hands next to it, and sent it to Ethan. She followed the picture with a message reading, "I'm coming for you next." Now, no matter where Ethan would go, Rose knew he would watch his back.

Then, Rose set fire to Tasha's corpse and left.

 _End of Flashback_

Dimitri sat there in stunned silence trying to process everything Rose had just told him. Last week, he thought Rose was dead. Today, he finds out that one of his best friends kidnapped and tortured the only woman he had ever loved, ultimately killing his and Rose's child. Dimitri couldn't believe he had a daughter, a chance to be a father and it was taken away from him by Tasha.

"I wanted you to be the first to know, because she was your daughter, too and you had a right to know before everyone else. I also didn't want your first time hearing about her to be in front of a whole audience." Dimitri looked at Rose with a look filled with gratitude and sadness.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked Dimitri cautiously. She had just dropped multiple bombs on him and couldn't get a clear read on what he felt. He cried along with her when she recalled the story of Hope, but she couldn't tell what he was thinking after she told him she was bitten and that she had killed Tasha.

"You're asking me if I'm okay?" Dimitri asked incredulously. "After everything you've been through, you're worried about what I'm feeling?"

"I've had a lot longer to come to terms with everything," Rose responded.

"It's going to take a while." Rose nodded in understanding. "Can I ask you something?" Dimitri asked nervously.

"Anything."

"If it's not too hard for you, can you tell me more about Hope."

Fresh tears filled Rose's eyes again at Dimitri's request as she let out a watery laugh. She began to tell Dimitri how beautiful their daughter was. She told him how she was a splitting of Rose, but had Dimitri's hair color.

Dimitri hung onto every word that came out of Rose's mouth. Tears fell from his eyes the more Rose told him about Hope, how much she used to kick Rose while she was still in the womb and how Rose knew that she was lending her mother her strength.

"Tasha is so lucky," Dimitri said after a while. Rose looked at him questioningly. "That you got to her before I did."

"There's always Ethan." Rose said with a vicious glint in her eyes, a look that Dimitri shared with her.

Dimitri smirked, "He's mine."

"Can I at least watch?"

"Absolutely," Dimitri responded. They sat there for a few more moments of silence before Dimitri spoke again. "Can we go see her? Can you take me to see our daughter?" He asked quietly.

Overwhelmed with emotion at Dimitri's request, all Rose could do was nod her head.

"We should get going. The others are waiting for me to tell them something, anything."

Dimitri nodded in response.

"You don't need to come Dimitri."

"Why?"

"I've had two years to process everything that happened. You took in a lot of information today. You don't need to sit through what happened again."

Dimitri was in awe of Rose's strength and her ability to read him. He was stalling their conversation, trying to make sure it didn't end so he wouldn't have to listen to it all over again in front of everyone else. He wondered how he would sit through Rose recounting the ordeal her and their baby had gone through.

"Thank you." He bought her hands up to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Thank you."


	7. Chapter 7

**So this chapter was difficult to write mainly because I looked at as a filler chapter more than anything. I have a lot of ideas in store for Rose and Dimitri. I'll try to update soon, enjoy!**

 **All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

I walked back towards HQ to get the conversation over with and start preparing for the upcoming battle. If my calculations were correct, my needing period was about to come up and I had to come up with a plan of what to do if it occurred while I was still at court. If my next needing period was anything like my last one, I knew I would need to be far away from the people at court when it occurred.

As I walked through court, I could hear whispers and eyes of the people standing around, following me. I guess my reputation was still remembered, because no one approached me head on, and instead waited until I passed them by to talk about me.

Though the events that occurred in my life had hardened me and made me more uncaring of people's opinions, I still chose to take a shortcut to get back to HQ.

What I didn't take into consideration was the places I would pass due to my shortcut. And before I knew it, I was standing in front of the church where I had seen Dimitri for the last time.

The church where Dimitri told me that he no longer loved me.

Suddenly, it felt like a bucket of ice cold water was thrown on me and I was hit with memories and feelings that I tried so hard to keep repressed. And before I knew it, I was angry. Absolutely seething. It wasn't fair, everything I had gone through; with Dimitri, Lissa, Victor, and Tasha. Nothing was fair.

I was angry with the people who I was forced to leave behind.

I was angry with Adrian for not trying hard enough to dream walk me. Maybe if he had laid off the booze, he could've been able to reach me.

I was angry with Christian for being related to Tasha and being the reason she re-entered Dimitri's life when we were at the academy.

I was angry with my Janine and Abe for being such shitty parents that they weren't able to find there one and only child. If I was blindfolded, I could still find my way to my baby's grave.

I was angry with Lissa for taking over my entire life with her darkness and then siding with Dimitri after he was restored.

And most of all, I was angry with Dimitri. What hadn't I done for him? I turned over a new leaf and left my wild ways in the past just to please Dimitri. I gave up boys like Mason, who were crazy about me, just for Dimitri. I had dropped out of school, abandoned the only person I promised I would always protect, just to release Dimitri's soul from his undead state. I helped my sworn enemy escape from prison just for an off chance that his brother would be able to help us restore Dimitri's soul, and for what?

I had given the man my body and heart, and he rejected me. And even though I knew it wasn't right and he had nothing to do with it, I couldn't help but indirectly put some of the blame of what I went through because of Tasha on Dimitri. If only he had listened to what I had to say that day at the church, then we could've been together and my baby would still be alive and in my arms.

And as much as I wanted to turn around, go back to Dimitri's room and fight him, I couldn't get the image of Dimitri weeping with me just 20 minutes ago, out of my head.

With red, hot anger still coursing through my veins, I turned away from the church and continued on towards HQ.

Once I reached the door, my anger must have been palpable, because the conversation in the room halted and the atmosphere grew tense. I looked over to Denis who was giving me a questioning look, and I just shook my head, indicating that I would talk to him later. I walked over to the seat next to him, facing opposite my parents, Lissa, and Christian.

Lissa was the first one to break the silence by asking, "Where's Dimitri?"

"He took everything really hard so I told him to just join us later so he didn't have to sit through the story again." I didn't want to reveal Dimitri's true emotions, because I knew he wouldn't want people knowing that.

The people in the room who knew Dimitri were stunned. If there was one person who kept their emotions at bay, it was Dimitri Belikov, so for him to be so upset that he needed time alone spoke volumes to everyone in the room.

"Kiz, what's going on?" Asked my dad.

"As I mentioned before, Dimitri and I slept together when I found him in Russia." My parents looked pissed, while everyone else just looked uncomfortable. I could see a hint of disgust on Hans face from hearing that I willingly had sex with an undead monster that I was taught to hate and kill.

Whatever, I had been in love.

"The last day I was here at court, I found Dimitri to tell him something. You see, I had um discovered something a few days prior." I was starting to grow uncomfortable. It was one thing to reveal this information to Dimitri, but it was entirely different revealing it to everyone else.

I looked over at my friends who had supported me for the past two years. I gave them an apologetic look before continuing.

"I found out I was pregnant." A collective gasp ran through the room. "It was Dimitri's."

Lissa looked grief stricken and my parents went pale. They all came to the same realization; that I had conceived a baby with a strigoi.

I had told my friends the first and only time I recounted my story that there were details I was leaving out, because they were just too hard to share.

Still, I didn't want them to think I didn't trust them. And that is why I was too nervous to look at them. I focused my eyes on my hands on the table and continued.

"Dimitri and I had an argument so I wasn't able to tell him the news. Instead, I ended up getting sick and going back to my room for the night."

"A couple of hours later, there was a knock on my door. It was Tasha and Ethan Moore. She talked her way in before suddenly leaning in and compelling me to tell her who the father of my baby was. I guess she had seen me throwing up and noticed how upset I was after talking with Dimitri. So I told her the truth. I told her Dimitri was the father. And then I was hit over the head and knocked unconscious."

For that, I looked up to see Christian's reaction. I don't know what I expected, but I was shocked to see how upset and stunned he looked.

"Oh Rose," he whispered and Lissa took his hand, offering him her strength.

"I woke up in a basement of an abandoned house. Ethan and Tasha beat and tortured me for 3 whole months." I could hear my dad growl lowly. I needed to get through this story. It was starting to get too hard.

"One day, majority of my strength had escaped me and I had accepted that I was about to die. Tasha and Ethan had figured that out, too. So they threw me in the middle of the woods and left. That night, I have birth to my baby girl alone and had to bury her, too."

I didn't need the bond to feel Lissa's grief. She had her head in her hands and was openly crying. My mom had her face buried in my father's colorful scarf, while he had his face hidden in her short, red hair. I could see my mother's shoulders shaking, but she was like me and I knew she was trying really hard not to show anyone her weakness.

I looked over at my friends and could see Lev comforting a sniffling Tamara, by rubbing soothing circles on her back. Arthur had his head down and was firmly grasping onto one of Tamara's hands. I glanced over at Denis and it wasn't until I saw the look on his face that I realized I had tears streaming down my face. Great, there goes by badass reputation.

Denis moved closer to me and held onto my hands hard, lending me his strength, because he knew I needed it.

"As I could feel myself slipping into the welcomed darkness, I was surrounded by a group of wolves and bit by the alpha. That was the moment I felt the bond break. My dhampir blood mixed with the bite transformed me into something I didn't think was possible. It turned me into a werewolf." I shuddered thinking about the painful transition my body endured and how confused I was to what I had become.

"I waited for Tasha and Ethan to go back to their place right outside of court, but only Tasha showed up. I took her back to the basement that she held me in and I killed her."

For the sake of Christian, I left out the gruesome details of Tasha's death.

"I know it's just a dhampir's word against a dead royal moroi, but I refuse to be punished for what I did. And frankly speaking, you need my help for the upcoming battle. I'm no good locked up." I said, gesturing to my body for extra measure.

Hans looked torn. I knew he was thinking of his vow, 'they come first,' and forgetting what I did, at least for now, would be beneficial for the time being.

"It's a difficult situation," he finally grumbled.

"Bullshit," spat my dad angrily. The man was a pro at keeping his composure in these situations, but everyone was on edge from all of the information I just revealed.

My mom put a comforting hand on my dad's shoulder, though she looked just as pissed as he was.

Denis was the next to speak up. "I think that it's been a long day. We travelled a lot to come here. We're all upset from what we've learned today so let's call it a day, and we'll pick up where we left off tomorrow."

He didn't wait for an answer and instead, stood up, pulling me along with him since he was still holding onto my hand. This was one of the many reasons why I loved him.

"I couldn't agree more," said Lissa, turning towards Christian and bending forward to speak in his ear. Though she was speaking in hushed whispers, my keen wolf hearing picked up what she was saying. Lissa was telling Christian that it was a good idea to take a break and go back to their place to rest.

His movements were robotic. Christian was here physically, but his mind was somewhere else. Lissa pulled him to his feet, and he wordlessly stood up and let Lissa lead him out.

I felt bad that I had killed his last remaining relative, but had no regrets over my actions.

Lissa looked back at me, before walking out and gave me an apologetic and guilty look, before turning around and walking away.

Before leaving, I turned back to Hans to ask him where we would be staying, but before I could get a word out, I was cut off by commotion right outside the conference room. Not even a second later, a young guardian I didn't recognize raced through the room. He was out of breath and wore a look of panic.

"Sir, we have a problem! It's a Guardian Belikov!" I shared a stunned look with Denis, before running past the guardian at the door. I could feel my friends hot on my tails. As soon as I got out into the hallway, I halted more from mere shocked than anything else.

The scene before me was chaotic.

Six guardians were struggling to hold back a pissed off and murderous Dimitri, while another three were tending to a bloody Ethan Moore.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for taking so long to update! I was going to on the weekend, but ended up adding more to the chapter. I'm going to try to update this again sometime this week. Let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters and plot belong to Richelle Mead.**

There were 3 instances in my life where I was truly terrified of Dimitri and what he was capable of.

The first instance occurred in the maze, when I was trying to escape Galina's prison and could hear Dimitri's menacing and cold voice catching up to me.

The second instance was right before he was restored and had kidnapped Lissa and Christian to get to me. That day, I could see just how far he was willing to go just to kill me.

The third instance was this moment right now, where I could see Dimitri starting to overpower the 6 guardians that were struggling to hold him back. I had seen Dimitri in battle, where his sole purpose had been to kill every strigoi that crossed his path. But this? Dimitri wanted to murder Ethan and he wasn't going to stop until Ethan was dead.

Ethan.

I closed my eyes and took 3 deep breaths. I felt uncomfortable, as if there was something that was trying to claw its ways out. It was my wolf. And she wanted to join Dimitri in ripping Ethan apart. I felt someone shaking me and my eyes snapped open.

"Rose, we all want that son of a bitch dead, but you and I both know this isn't the place," Lev said, looking straight into my eyes to get me to understand what he meant. "Oh and you might want to control that wolf of yours before the guardians see your eyes and end up trying to stake you." I could tell Lev and the rest of the group were worried that someone other than them would see my red eyes, ones that resembled that of a strigoi.

I closed my eyes and and took another deep breath, pushing my wolf away from the surface. I opened my eyes and kicked myself into action.

I ran myself hard into Dimitri and hoped that I would be able to get through to him.

"Dimitri, you need to let him go for now. You can't do this, not here, not right now." I fiercely whispered to Dimitri, so he could hear me. It's like he didn't even register that it was me standing in front of him.

"He needs to pay for what he's done! Let me go!" He bellowed. Oh no, this isn't good. I tried to come up with a way to get him to listen to my words and only came up with one solution.

I reeled my hand back and slapped Dimitri across his left cheek. His head snapped to the side by the impact of my hit. I may have added a little too much power into my slap. Oops.

The slap seemed to wake him up, only partially, from his murderous haze. His eyes slightly widened, as if he was surprised to see me in front of him.

"No one wants to see him dead more than me, but this is not the time nor the place." I couldn't believe the day had come where I had to speak some sense into Dimitri.

"But Rose-"

"No Dimitri!" I cut him off, pleading with him. I lowered my voice again so only he heard me. "I know I haven't been here in a while, but I'm sure not everyone is over the fact that you used to be a strigoi. Am I right?"

He looked away, mostly ashamed. It was a low blow, but he needed to understand where I was coming from and why it was so important for him to calm down. I looked over at my friends and nodded in their direction. Even though I seemed to be getting through to Dimitri, I still needed to physically get him away from Ethan.

I briefly looked back to see Hans ordering a few of the guardians to carry a bloody and barely conscious Ethan away. I needed to remember to ask Hans what he intended to do about him, but right now, my main priority was Dimitri.

We pushed Dimitri outside and he pulled himself completely away from us. He began pacing angrily, muttering a few colorful words in Russian, ones that I actually understood due to my 2 years in Russia.

"Language Dimitri," I said, mimicking the words Dimitri said to me almost everyday while we were still at the academy.

He frowned looking at me and said, "You shouldn't have gotten in the way Rose."

"So you were going to murder someone in front of the Royal Court guardians and spend the rest of your life in prison?" I asked sarcastically.

He didn't bother responding and instead, sent an icy and chilling glare in my direction. The look seemed all to familiar to a different Dimitri I had known and it sent a slight shiver down my spine. Maybe I was approaching this wrong. I tried a softer approach, stepping forward and placing a gentle hand on Dimitri's bicep. I could feel his warmth seeping through the fabric.

"I know what you're feeling, trust me. I also know that doing something right now won't do you any good. Just wait until this whole mess with the battle is over. He'll pay for what he did." Dimitri nodded at what I said. I could see the anger beginning to dissipate from his tone and overall posture.

"Yeah you're right. When did you get so wise?"

"I had a good mentor," I said jokingly. Dimitri responded by giving me one of his rare and beautiful small smiles. A smile I knew that he didn't share with everyone. A warm feeling spread throughout my body and I could feel myself responding before my earlier thoughts invaded my mind once again. I quickly pulled myself away from Dimitri, and I knew he was able to see the sudden change in my demeanor.

"Uh..I'm going to go and get some rest. I'll see you later," I hurriedly said, already turning away from him. I could tell he wanted to say more to me, but I didn't give him the chance as I turned completely and walked away.

I found a guardian who told us where we would be staying during our time at court. Hans was no where to be found, most likely still busy handling Ethan and probably giving an explanation to the rest of the guardians as to why a man like Guardian Belikov completely lost his shit.

We headed to our respective rooms, which were all next to each other. Before bidding each other a goodnight, we decided to meet up early outside the gym the next day and follow it up with breakfast.

I plopped down onto my bed, mentally exhausted from the day's events. I went over everything that had occurred. I didn't think I would ever see my parents, Lissa or Dimitri again. I also didn't think I would reveal a secret, one that I kept so well hidden, to so many people all in one day. Court and the people in it hadn't been good to me two years ago, and I was itching to get out of here as soon as I could.

I tried getting some shut eye, but sleep evaded me as my last days at court kept replaying in my head like an old, broken movie. I remembered all too well how Lissa pushed my feelings away and became the savior that Dimitri saw her to be. I thought of how Adrian went back to his old ways of smoking and drinking, not even bothering to reinforce our relationship once he saw how caught up in Dimitri I had become.

And Dimitri. After every thought, after every image that my mind conjured up, all I heard was ' _Love fades, mine has.'_

I tossed again in bed, trying to get the voice out of my head.

 _Love fades, mine has._

I threw the covers over my body, and forced my eyes open, hoping that would make it all stop.

 _Love fades, mine has._

I forced my tired body up and out of bed. I needed an outlet to get rid of my pent up feelings. Usually a nice, long run in my wolf form was enough to clear up my thoughts, but I was feeling violent and desperately needed to hit something. So I threw on some tights and a hoodie, and made my way to the gym.

It was the middle of the night for the Moroi so I was hoping the gym would be completely empty. I wanted to let out all of my pent up frustration on some dummies, without feeling the stares of multiple guardians on me. As I got closer to the gym though, I heard grunting and the sound of fists pounding onto a punching bag. Great, so much for working out alone.

I opened up the gym door, and kept my eyes lowered, fully intending to keep to myself and hopefully coming across like I didn't want to be bothered. As I made my way to the side of the wall to deposit my water bottle and gym bag, I glanced over to the bench and caught sight of a dark brown leather duster. I whipped my head around to the only other occupant of the gym and found the one person who I was trying to escape. Dimitri.

His back was turned to me, as he kept pounding away on the punching bag that seemed too close to completely collapsing against the weight and power of Dimitri's fists. He was shirtless and sweating, his powerful and toned back coiled tight as he let out his frustrations and grunted from the obvious pain of his hits. He must have kept himself busy these past two years, because beyond his shoulder length hair that was currently tied back, I could see multiple molnija marks stopping right between his shoulder blades. He hadn't noticed me come in, so the smart thing would have obviously been to get out of there while I still had the chance, but I couldn't. I was completely mesmerized by Dimitri's graceful and lethal body. It was always like that with him. Even at the academy, I would become completely entranced by Dimitri working out, and it didn't matter if he was sparring, lifting, staking, or running. In my eyes, there was nothing and no one more beautiful than him.

I don't know how long I stared at him for, but I suddenly realized he had stopped punching and was picking up a towel and water bottle that lay near his feet. I shot a panicked look at the door, and wondered if I still had time to escape before he noticed me. I looked back towards Dimitri just as he turned his body halfway towards me. I halted my movements and looked at him completely stunned.

He was rubbing a towel against his face, but that's not what I was focused on.

No, my focus was on Dimitri's chest.

Because on his left pectoral was a tattoo that read, ' _Роза_.'

He had my name, in Russian, tattooed on his chest.

I stepped forward, forcing myself to him quickly just he finally turned his head and noticed me for the first time.

"Rose-

"When?" I cut him off, urgently and stared at him wide-eyed.

"What do you mean?" He asked, confused.

I reached him completely, only standing two feet away from him. My finger pointed to his chest as I repeated myself, "When Dimitri?"

Understanding flooded his eyes as he looked away from me. Dimitri closed his eyes tightly, as if thinking of something that was causing him pain. He opened them, but didn't look my way.

"When I thought I had lost you forever," he said slowly. I wanted to tear my heart out of my chest at Dimitri's words. He had gotten the tattoo when he thought I was dead.

I didn't know what I was feeling, but a mixture of grief, anger, and despair swirled around my body. I lifted my hand, intending to hit Dimitri, but instead, my palm spread itself out over the tattoo, right where his heart was. He quickly gripped my wrist in both hands, keeping my palm against his chest. He placed one of his hands over mine, making sure I didn't take it away. I felt his heart beating beneath my hand.

"Its yours," he said, pain filling his eyes, "It's yours, Roza." It was my turn to close my eyes tightly as I felt my emotions starting to weigh me down.

I shook my head at Dimitri's words, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat. "No," I barely croaked out. "You don't get to do this to me Dimitri. You don't get to turn your love for me on and off, whenever you feel like it."

"Nothing I did as a strigoi even compare to the guilt I feel for the words I said to you that day in the church. I thought I was doing you a favor, pushing you away."

"That was something you should've let me decide for myself!"

"I figured that out once it was too late and I am so sorry Roza." I shook my head again, already feeling traitorous tears escaping, no matter how hard I tried to keep myself from falling apart.

"Do you know how hard it was Dimitri, getting you back and having you despise my existence? I missed you! When you were turned back, I missed you so fucking much, that it hurt. And I didn't know how to get to you, even though you were standing right in front me!" I screamed, ripping my hand from his grasp and pounding my closed fists on his chest. I began to cry, thinking of how alone and broken I felt when Dimitri chose Lissa over me. When he went out of his way to avoid me. Nothing he did as a strigoi compared to how I felt when Lissa told me that Dimitri was okay with everyone visiting him, but me. And nothing killed me more than when I reached across those prison bars to touch him, and he turned himself away from me.

Every thought, feeling, and memory I had of Dimitri that I purposely kept locked away finally broke open within me. Sobs racked through my body, and I knew my fists weren't doing any damage to Dimitri. They were weak and futile, but still, he continued to let me assault his chest.

"Please forgive me, Roza, please," He whispered, dropping his head down, as his lips brushed against the top of my head. "Please forgive me."

I pulled myself away from Dimitri and willed myself to stop crying. I wiped my cheeks, frustrated at everything I was feeling.

"I may be physically stronger, but my heart is weak Dimitri. I've been through too much heartbreak in my life. I can't take anymore," I said quietly.

"Give me one more chance. Let me give you the love you deserve, the love I should've given you the day I realized what you meant to me."

I tried to shake my head and step away, but Dimitri grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him once again.

"I have made so many mistakes in my life Roza, all of them regarding you." He spoke, clutching my hand so tightly, as if he thought I would disappear. "I wish I could take back what I told you that day in the church. I wish I ran into your arms and kissed you the day that I came back from the dead." He closed his eyes and quietly groaned, in pain from the memories that must be running through his head.

He opened his eyes and more tears escaped me at what I saw. Dimitri's eyes showed that of a man who was broken.

"I wish I had spent every waking day and night since I first saw you in Portland, telling you how much I love you. I wish I was half as strong as what you imagine me to be, and I wish I actually deserved you, because God knows I don't. You are the only reason I have kept myself going, you are the only reason I am alive today. You gave me purpose Roza. And I don't know what else to say to get you to realize how much it killed me when you thought I didn't love you anymore. Please, please give me one last chance." He said, pleadingly, as his eyes glistened with unshed tears.

My heart broke all over again at everything Dimitri had just said. I didn't even know how to respond properly, as my mind and heart were still processing his words.

"I won't let myself fall back in love with you Dimitri. I can't let myself do that," I whispered, my bottom lip trembling, as I felt myself close to breaking down again. What I said wasn't a complete truth. I had never actually fallen out of love with Dimitri. And even though I could admit to myself that my feelings for him were just as strong as they were before, I just didn't know if I had it in me to act on those feelings once again.

Dimitri grabbed my other hand, as well and kissed my knuckles. His soft lips were attentive, and he made to sure to spend a few seconds on each knuckle. He finally lifted his head up to look me in the eyes, but kept my hands within his. He smiled sadly in my direction.

"That's alright. I'll love you enough for the both of us."

That was my undoing, as I felt my legs tremble underneath me, before falling into Dimitri's waiting arms. I clutched him hard, holding onto him so tight that he couldn't move even if he wanted to. He squeezed his strong arms around my much smaller frame, holding me against his chest, right where I belonged. I finally allowed myself the comfort that I needed since the day I lost Dimitri in those caves.

This by no means meant that I had completely forgiven him or was willing to give him another chance. I could think about all of that later. All that mattered right now was the thought running through my mind, telling me that I was finally home.


	9. Chapter 9

**I feel like all I ever do is apologize lol but I'm sorry it took me so long to update this story. I kind of lost motivation for it for a while, but I have a lot more ideas for upcoming chapters so I will be updating it more frequently.**

 **This is a bit of a filler-chapter. I wanted Rose to be able to reconnect with some of the other characters.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy and please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

After I left Dimitri in the gym, I felt significantly better.

I hadn't told him I was ready to give our relationship another chance, but it felt good to finally let out all of the emotions I had been feeling towards him since the day he was restored.

Denis was the first to notice my content state.

"You seem a lot happier," he commented as the five of us worked out far away from the bustling life of court, opting for the woods instead. Not everyone had found out about my sudden arrival and I didn't want an audience while we were trying to workout.

"I am, actually," I admitted. We were sparring with one another, while the other three ran laps around the clearing of the woods.

"Is it because of him?" He asked, his voice hardening considerably. I let my arms drop from their fighting stance and stared at Denis, trying to decipher where his sudden change of mood had come from.

"Yeah it is," I finally said.

Denis nodded and didn't say anymore.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's nothing, come on let's fight."

"No, tell me what's bothering you," I insisted.

"Drop it, Rose," he said, starting to walk away from me.

"Please, Denis. Tell me, is it something I did?"

He took a deep breath and looked at me. Finally he said, "We haven't even been here two full days and you've already taken him back, as if nothing had even happened."

"I didn't take him back."

"Yeah, but you're going to."

"How do you know that?"

"Because Rose, you clearly still love him. It just seems like you're forgetting the past way too quickly."

"I haven't forgotten anything. Do you hear me? Nothing. I had so much to say to him and these past two years, I always wondered if I would ever get a chance to tell him how I felt when he hurt me. And I was lucky enough to finally be able to do that."

"And what, you forgave him, just like that?" He asked, his voice raising.

"Yeah I did!" I said, just as loud. I may have been a little dishonest with Denis. I hadn't told Dimitri I had forgiven him and I don't think I hadn't yet completely. But I was a lot closer to doing it than I ever thought I would be.

"Tell me this Denis, in these past two years that I've been with you guys, have I ever spoken badly of Dimitri? Did I ever say something insulting his character or his personality?"

"You told us that he kicked you to the curb the moment he turned back."

"Yeah, because that was the truth. I told you guys what he did to me and that was it; just facts, nothing more. Did I ever insult him or speak ill of him?

He shook his head, dropping his gaze from mine.

"Do you want to know why? Because as much as it hurt me when he pushed me away, I knew in my heart it was completely due to the guilt he felt from being a strigoi. No one knows what Dimitri was going through when he was turned back. He may have confided in Lissa, but no one could relate to the guilt and shame that was eating away at his soul. None of us could truly understand what he was going through. Yeah what he did to me after he was turned back was fucked up, but I know he didn't do it out of malice. He did it, because that seemed like the only way he could protect himself and me from any further pain."

This was a thought I felt every time I tried to hate or forget about Dimitri. It was like a small voice in the back of my head that I chose to ignore up until now. I had my reasons to be upset with Dimitri, because what he did hurt me. But I never once in my two years away from court spoke negatively about his character, and I know now that this was the reason why. I knew Dimitri felt guilt when he did what he did, but I was only now admitting it to myself.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt," Denis said softly.

"I don't want to get hurt again either. I haven't taken him back. We're here for one reason and that's to help with the upcoming battle, nothing more, and nothing less. Still, you have to understand that I left a lot of things unresolved when I left, so I guess I'm just tying up all of the loose ends before its time for us to go back home."

"Yeah, that makes sense," he said nodding.

I approached him and took his hand in mine.

"Thank you, it means a lot that you're concerned about my feelings," I said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.

"I'll always worry about you мой маленький волк," he said, calling me his little wolf. I gave him a smile telling him I appreciated his words and raised my fists again to let him know I was ready to spar.

Denis quickly fell into his fighting stance as we began to circle one another. It was hard when we practiced together, because it was difficult for me to separate my dhampir strength from my wolf one. I always held back, fearing I might cause someone irreparable damage.

Before I could even go on the defense, an intense bout of dizziness hit me and I began to stumble on my feet. Squinting, I could make out two Denis's approaching me and shut my eyes tight, trying to make the feeling go away.

"Rose, are you okay?" I heard Denis ask. He placed a hand on my arm, steadying me.

I couldn't respond back immediately. I could feel my skin getting clammy and began to pant.

"Fuck, oh fuck," I whispered in panic, as realization hit me.

"What is it?"

I shook my head. Groaning out loud, I tried to calm my breathing before finally opening my eyes again. The feeling of dizziness left just as quickly and suddenly as it came.

"Um what the fuck was that?" Denis questioned, seeing how quickly I recovered.

"It's happening again," I said looking up at him. "It's almost a year since my last needing period. A day or two before the first time I went through it, I would get sudden bouts of dizziness and migraines just like I did right now. Fuck!"

"What are you going to do?" Denis was just was worried as I was. He was there the first time it happened, and knew how painful and agonizingly long it lasted.

The other three joined us again and could tell by Denis's face and mine that we were panicked.

"What's going on?" Tamara asked.

"My needing period is coming up. I was hoping I could go through the battle and worry about it once we went back, but I don't think that's going to happen," I said rubbing a hand across my forehead.

"Think of it like this, its better for you to get it out of the way now rather than deal with it when the battle is closer," Tamara reasoned, and I nodded my head, agreeing with her.

"But where do I go? You remember how it affected you guys," I said gesturing towards Denis, Artur, and Lev. "There's a shitload of men here, so where the hell am I going to go when it happens?"

I had learned last year that if a male was close enough, than he would be physically affected by my needing, as well.

"Are there any cabins out here? Maybe you can find one on the outskirts of the woods and stay there until it's over," Denis suggested.

"That's actually a really good idea. If its anything like last time, I'm probably going to be screaming my lungs out, so its better for me the further away I am from people."

"Ask Hans or Dimitri if they know of any cabins far away from everyone, but do it fast. You don't want to be unprepared when it happens," Tamara said.

I agreed with her completely. I needed to find someone to give me a location of an abandoned cabin and quick.

Trying to force this issue to the back of my mind, I finished up my workout with the group and we all went back to our rooms.

After getting most of my issues resolved with Dimitri, I wanted to find Lissa and do the same with her. We hadn't left each other on a bad note, but we weren't on the best of terms either.

It wasn't hard to seek her out. There wasn't a person in Court that didn't know who Lissa was so I was able to find her within the first 10 minutes I began looking for her.

She was in a small boutique close to the headquarters with her guardians. I recognized one immediately, who happened to be Meredith. I wasn't exactly sure who the other one was, but he must've been good if he was assigned to the last Dragomir princess.

Lucky for me, Christian wasn't with Lissa so this gave me the perfect opportunity to spend a little one-on-one time with her.

I was outside of the boutique when she stepped out and she seemed pleasantly surprised to see me.

"Rose, I was just thinking about coming to see you," she said, wrapping me up in a tight hug. I reciprocated immediately, basking in the feel of being in my best friend's arms again.

"I missed this," I whispered in her ear.

Wrapping her arms tighter around me, she replied, "I missed this, too."

We reluctantly pulled back from our hug.

"Are you doing anything important right now?"

"No, I was just going back to my place to have dinner with Christian."

"Okay then I'll walk you there," I suggested. After I exchanged a quick greeting with Meredith, Lissa began to lead the way to her place. Luckily, her guardians gave us a little space, though they weren't too far behind.

Lissa and I never had an issue when it came to talking, but we had spent so long away from each other that it was a bit awkward to fall back into our old routine.

"So what have you been up to these past two years?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I started at Lehigh this year. Christian and I both found a place off campus that we stay at, with our guardians. We're back here for the summer." She told me. I was happy she had begun her education, because that was something she had always wanted to do. It was a bit bittersweet though, because we had made plans to go to Lehigh together.

"You started this year? I thought you were going to start last September," I asked her.

She glanced over at me, and a frown made its way to her face.

Clearing her throat, she said, "Everything got a bit delayed. We couldn't find you and..." she trailed off. I could see that she was getting upset, but Lissa always had certain regal-ness that was present in public so she was able to quickly compose herself. "Anyways, at the time, college seemed like the last thing on my mind."

"Well its good that you did start eventually. I remembered how important it was for you."

"What about you? Your friends are from Russia, right? Is that where you were most of the time?" She asked.

"Yeah, I was in Novosibirsk," I told her. "I actually met them when I first went there to find Dimitri. So after everything happened here, I went back and sought them out."

She nodded, but I could tell she was holding back from asking me what was really on her mind.

"What is it?" I asked.

She looked over at me and contemplated whether she should say anything or not and then finally decided to ask.

"Why didn't you come back? Or tell us you were okay, anything really to let us know you were alive," she said stopping in her tracks and looking at me.

I knew this was something that they all had in the back of their minds. They all wondered why it had taken me so long to come back.

"It was just too soon after everything happened," I explained, rubbing the back of my neck. "I had someone ripped away from me and I just wasn't ready to face any of you so quickly."

Lissa nodded, trying to process what I was saying.

"Plus you weren't the only one who felt the bond break. I felt it, too. I told myself that you guys probably all assumed I was dead anyway, and maybe that was for the best."

"So you had no plans of ever coming back?"

"As of right now, no I didn't," I admitted. "I'm going to be completely honest with you Lis, if it wasn't for the note that I found in the warehouse, I would've never come back here." I knew she was hurt about what I said, but it was the truth.

"But why? Didn't you miss us?" She asked, her eyes filling with tears.

I quickly grabbed her hands. "Of course I missed you Lissa. I thought about each and every single one of you every day. I love all four of them and cherish their friendship, but no one could ever take your place in my heart. But you need to understand, I wasn't ready to come back."

"You're here now, though so I guess that's all that matters."

"I'm only here until the battle is over Lissa," I told her and she looked at me shocked.

"Wait what do you mean? You're not going to stay?"

"No," I answered truthfully. "Lissa I don't want to stay here. Being in this place just reminds me of all of the stuff that vicious bitch did to me." Lowering my voice completely, so only Lissa heard me, I said, "Plus, I'm not the same girl I was before. You saw the video, you know what I am now."

"What about me? I thought you wanted to be my guardian," Lissa said and I could tell she felt betrayed.

"Lissa you don't need me. After the Queen, you're probably the most heavily protected royal on this earth. I like being in Russia, I feel needed there."

"But I need you," she countered.

"No Lissa, you don't. The people outside of these wards need me. The people in Novosibirsk need me, but you don't. There's a lot more strigoi lurking the streets out there then there are in here. I'm giving you my friendship Lissa, but nothing more."

I knew what I said seemed harsh, but it was the truth. The time I spent away from court opened my eyes more to the unfairness of our whole Moroi/Dhampir system.

If you weren't royal or rich, you were shit out of luck. And it wasn't just moroi that I protected. The two years I had been away, I stopped looking at who the person was and focused my entire attention on keeping people safe from strigoi.

It didn't matter to me if you were a moroi, dhampir, or human. If you needed to be protected, than that was what I would do.

I knew Lissa wanted to argue with me, but we had spent so much time apart already that her saying anything now would just push me further away.

Plus, the goodness in Lissa's heart always overpowered everything else and I knew she understood what I meant about others needing my protection.

"I get what you're trying to say Rose. Everything between us just changed so quickly, because of what happened to you that I just assumed you would come back and things would go back to how they were before."

"I know, but none of us are the same anymore Lis. A lot has changed," I told her. She nodded and we resumed walking back to her place.

"Where's Adrian? I still haven't seen him since I've been back." I was surprised to see that he hadn't shown up yet.

"I think he's somewhere in Paris with some girl right now. After you were gone, he completely emerged himself in drinking, smoking, and partying. I thought he was bad before, but that was nothing compared to what happened after you disappeared."

Hearing Lissa say that upset me. Adrian smoked and drank way too much when I was here and to think he got worse than that worried me greatly. He had so much potential. I just wish he were able to see that for himself.

"I think he blamed himself a lot for not being able to find you. He always tried to connect with you in his dreams, but he was never able to."

"That's because of Tasha," I explained. "She knew when Adrian tired to dream walk with me and never let me sleep if she knew he was trying to do that."

Lissa shook her head in anger and disgust.

"I cannot believe what a horrific monster she turned out to be. You know she tried to 'help' us find you. I can't believe how stupid we all were to trust her."

Turning towards me again, she said, "I just want you to know that we all believe and trust you Rose. Even Christian. He's upset and heartbroken right now, but even he knows deep down that you would never lie about something like this."

"It must be hard for him," I said.

"It is," she nodded. "She was the only actual family he had left. It'll take him some time, but he'll get over it."

I nodded, but didn't say anything else. The silence was comforting and it was nice just being able to be in Lissa's presence again.

"I really am so happy you're back Rose, even if it is for a little while. I can't tell you how much we all missed you."

"I missed you guys, too. I'm glad you all had each other to lean after you thought I died. It gave me comfort knowing none of you had to deal with it alone."

"Yeah," she said slowly, her eyebrows furrowing together. I ignored it and continued to speak.

"Even though it kind of bothered me while I was here, I ended up being really grateful for that fact that you and Dimitri got so close after you turned him back or I would've been worried that he wouldn't have anyone to talk to."

Dimitri had opened up to me while we were at the academy, but he wasn't like that with everyone. Luckily, he had gotten close with Lissa after she restored him.

Lissa didn't respond at all to me. A moment later, she stopped in front of a beautiful stone duplex apartment. I assumed we were at her place now.

After a long moment of silence, Lissa spoke.

"Dimitri had no one Rose."

"What do you mean? He shared everything with you after you turned him back," I asked, confused.

"Yeah that was when you were still here. After you disappeared, Dimitri cut himself off from all of us. Physically he may have been with us, but mentally he wasn't. Why do you think he isn't one of my guardians? He only spoke with me or any one for that matter only when it was necessary."

Listening to how Dimitri isolated himself after I left not only shocked me, but also completely shattered my heart.

Dimitri's greatest quality, but biggest downfall had always been his conscious and his need to do what was right. I would bet any thing that the guilt for what he said to me was what caused him to detach himself from those around him. His guilt as a strigoi pushed me away, and his guilt for what he said to me at the church pushed everyone else away.

"There wasn't a raid that Hans organized in these past two years that Dimitri wasn't apart of. If there were strigoi raids 3 times a week, he was the first to volunteer and fight in all of them. It seemed like he just didn't care about anything or anyone anymore, including himself."

"It was really heartbreaking, actually," she continued. "We were all upset after you were taken, but Janine and Abe had each other, I had Christian, Adrian had his alcohol and girls, but Dimitri? Dimitri had no one."

The wolf inside of me was whimpering in anguish at the thought of Dimitri being all alone and having no one. She wanted to seek him out this very second and comfort him to make up for the two years he tortured himself.

"Look Rose, I don't know what exactly happened between the two of you after he was restored, but whatever it was, affected Dimitri greatly. The day I felt the bond break, you may not have died, but Dimitri surely did. He was walking and breathing, yeah, but that was it."

Lissa and I were interrupted by the front door of the apartment opening and Dimitri and Christian walking out. They seemed to be talking about meeting with Hans, before they noticed Lissa and I standing together.

I could see Dimitri's demeanor change immediately, a small smile gracing his features. The smile I returned was mixed with sadness as I let myself absorb everything Lissa had just told me about Dimitri. I wanted nothing more than to run into his arms and hug him, reassuring him that everything would be okay now. I couldn't though; because I had no guarantee that things would work out the way he wants them to.

Dimitri had hurt me in the past, but he tortured himself these past two years when he thought I was dead. Was his own self-destruction punishment enough?

I didn't have any more time to think more about Dimitri and I, because Christian finally spoke to me for the first time since I told him why I killed Tasha.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Christian," Lissa gasped. Her cheeks turned red and I could tell she was embarrassed by the way her boyfriend just spoke to me.

My eyes widened in shock, even though I shouldn't have been surprised. Christian and I weren't that different from each so I should've known that he would mask his true feelings by being angry.

Dimitri glared in his direction, but that didn't affect him in the slightest. Christian moved towards Lissa and I quickly. Lissa grabbed at his arm, but he shrugged her off, pushing her towards where her guardians and Dimitri were now standing.

"What's your problem?"

"My problem is you Rose. Why are you even back? You could have just sent the letter over and pretended to still play dead."

"Ozera," Dimitri growled from behind me. "Watch it."

"I'm here to help," I said, trying to keep Christian and myself calm. "Once this is all over, I'll be gone."

"No surprise there, you were always good at leaving."

I reeled back, his words hurting me a lot more than I would care to admit.

"One person Rose, I had one person left in my family!" He screamed, shoving my shoulder hard. Quickly regaining my balance, I slowly approached him again, but he wasn't anywhere near done. "You should've never come back. We were all finally moving on with our lives. Everywhere you go, death and destruction follow. You should have never fucking come back."

I clenched my fists until they turned white. I knew Christian was hurting and upset, but what he said still hit too close to home.

"Are you going to hit me?" I asked, trying to keep myself calm.

"Yeah I think I will. You might not hit me because you feel pity for me, but I want to hit you," he nodded to himself, coming closer to me, and sizing me up.

"Hit me then, but make it strong so I can't get up."

"You think I'm not strong enough," he said, grinding his teeth and getting angrier.

"Come on just hit me," I said offering my cheek to him.

"Christian, Rose please stop. We can talk about this," Lissa pleaded from behind me. I didn't turn around but stopped her with my hand, warning her to stay back.

"Am I not strong enough?" He said, shoving me back again.

"Hit me!" I yelled at him and not even a moment later, he punched me straight across the jaw. I heard Lissa scream behind me, as I quickly recovered and rubbed my hand across my jaw.

"Stay back, its okay. I'm okay," I said reassuring those around us to not to pull Christian away. "You're not hitting me hard enough. You're blocking your punch. Don't take the power out of your punch, and try not to block this time. Use the strength of your whole arm, okay? Now come on, try again." He looked at me like I had lost my mind, before coming at me again and punching me on my jaw a little harder than he had before.

"Christian please stop," Lissa begged.

"Rose that's enough," Dimitri said, and I could hear the underlying anger hidden beneath his words.

I turned towards the group behind me and warned them. "Don't interfere!"

I turned towards Christian again and he was pacing back and forth, clearly still pissed off.

"Hit me right here," I said pointing to my cheek. "The balance of your opponent can be shaken behind the ear." Patting my cheek, I told him, "Hit me again, right here. Right here, come on hit me!"

Christian reared his hand back and punched me hard across my right cheek. I fell onto the ground, my hands bracing my fall. Shaking my head to clear some of the dizziness away, I stood up and stumbled.

"Did that one hurt?" he asked, a lot quieter than before.

"Yeah, that one hurt," I groaned, rubbing my cheek.

"Good," he said. I looked up at him and noticed that his anger was slowly being replaced with grief.

Christian's eyebrows scrunched together as he slowly approached me with his head lowered. He stood in front of me for a moment, before finally lifting his head.

"I'm sorry Rose, I'm so sorry," he whispered and I knew he wasn't apologizing for hitting me. I noticed his eyes were rimmed red and glistening with unshed tears. "I'm sorry you went through what you did. You were right, she deserved to die," he said, his voice breaking at the end.

Grabbing his arm, I pulled him into a fierce hug, which he quickly reciprocated. Tightening his arms around me, he silently leg go of all of the grief he had been feeling after hearing about Tasha's fate.

"I'm sorry," he whispered again.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I replied, "Its okay, I'm okay now."

I didn't need the bond to know that Lissa was most definitely full-on weeping behind us. Christian finally pulled away from me and wiped the tears off of his face. No sarcastic or rude comments were said between the two of us and instead, he gave me a small smile and pulled his emotional girlfriend into his arms and walked away.

Dimitri approached me and we stayed silent for a bit watching Lissa and Christian as they went into their home.

"How did you know him hitting you would work out like it did," he finally asked.

I looked up at him, smirking.

"Because Comrade, violence is always the answer."


	10. Chapter 10

**Look at how quickly I updated guys! Even though I said the last chapter was a filler, I feel like technically this one is instead. I already started writing the next part and I think you guys will enjoy it ;)**

 **I also wanted to know who you all imagine when you think of Dimitri. I have one actor in mind that I could picture as Dimitri, but that guy would need to lose some of his tan and grow his hair out lol anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this short chapter and please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

 _Dimitri's POV_

"Do you have any idea how much trouble you could be in right now?"

I was currently sitting in Hans's office, getting reprimanded. He had requested to see me after I beat Ethan in the lobby of the Guardians Headquarters 5 days ago. I was actually surprised it had taken him this long to see me.

"I have to write an official report Belikov. That the queen will see. Do you have any idea what this could do to your career?" He spoke, putting emphasis on each of his sentences trying to scare me, but it wasn't working.

I had worked hard for my career and the position I am in today. At the age of 24, I was offered the position to guard the last Dragomir princess. Despite my strigoi past, my colleagues, whether they were younger or older, respected me greatly.

I understood that Hans wasn't just saying stuff to make me nervous; everything he was saying was the truth. But I just didn't care.

To be honest, I hadn't been caring about much since I thought Rose died.

"He deserved it. I'm not apologizing for my actions."

Hans dropped his head and took a deep breath.

"I'm not expecting you to apologize Belikov, I don't blame you for what you did. I'm just trying to get you to understand the severity of your actions. Even though I don't want to, I can't let you go unpunished."

"I understand," and I did. I beat a guardian half to death in front of multiple witnesses. I wasn't expecting to get off easy for that.

"Not to mention, I need to find something to do about Hathaway since she admitted to killing Natasha Ozera."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise and I leaned forward in my seat.

"Why would Rose get in trouble for that?" I asked, incredulously.

"She admitted to killing a royal Moroi. I need to at least write a report and question her some more on it," he explained.

"Natasha Ozera kidnapped and tortured Rose for three months along with Ethan, which resulted in the death of my baby girl. Rose should be getting a fucking medal!" I said angrily. Hans was shocked at my tone and choice of words. I had a reputation for being a respectful individual and even I was a bit surprised at how I just spoke to my boss.

Hans slumped back in his chair and sighed. In that one moment, he looked more tired and worn out than I had ever seen him before.

"Dimitri," him calling me by first name alone was a surprise. "I request you to please be a little patient with me. A young guardian who had a promising future ahead of her just showed up after two years of being missing, claiming to have been kidnapped by a royal Moroi. And Hathaway wouldn't be Hathaway if she didn't find herself in any deeper shit than normal so now I have a half dhampir-half wolf running around court. You almost beat a guardian half to death in front of a whole audience. And on top of that, I have to worry about god knows how many strigoi who are planning on attacking us within the next two weeks."

I rubbed my hand across my forehead, feeling bad for adding another problem onto Han's already full plate.

"I get it, I apologize for causing you trouble when you clearly have than enough to deal with already."

"I appreciate it," he said nodding. "After watching the footage of Rose with those strigois, I'm not going to take any type of action against her or you until this whole battle is over. Locking you two up will cause me more harm in the long run."

I nodded in agreement. Rose and I were a huge asset that Han's couldn't afford to lose.

"Ethan will stay locked up until further notice. I'll deal with him after this whole ordeal is done and over with."

"Where is he being held," I asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Hans saw right through me and gave me a smirk, "Like I would tell you."

I smiled in response.

"That's all I had to say for now. Don't think you're off the hook."

"Trust me, I don't."

"Good," he nodded. "Stay out of any further trouble. That goes for Hathaway, too."

"I understand," I said getting up.

"You're dismissed."

Giving him one final nod, I left in search of Rose.

We had been getting along more since finally letting go of our emotions in the gym a few days ago. I had so much bottled up inside of me since the day I found out she went missing. When Vasilissa felt the bond break, I was sure I would never get another chance to apologize for all I had done to her. It killed me to think that she had left this world thinking I didn't love her, because that was far from the truth.

I loved her so much, it hurt me. And I was going to do everything in my power to prove that love to her.

I started by going to her room. I knocked and waited about 5 minutes outside her door, but I received no answer. Then I went to the gym, but she wasn't there either.

I walked towards Vasilissa and Christian's place next. She was with her the day before so I thought that maybe they decided to spend the day together, again.

Luckily I saw Vasilissa up ahead with her two guardians. Unfortunately, Rose wasn't with her.

"Princess," I greeted her respectfully.

Her eyebrows furrowed in slight annoyance at me calling her by her formal title, but she chose to ignore it. I hadn't spoken with her on a personal level in two years and wasn't going to start today.

"What can I do for you Guardian Belikov," she asked, also referring to me by my formal title.

"Have you seen Rose? I went to her room and the gym, but I can't seem to find her."

She shook her head and said, "No sorry, I haven't seen her. I did see her friends walking out of the café down there and going towards the fountain, but she wasn't with them."

"Alright, thank you," I said, before making my way towards the fountain.

I found the group easily. I recognized Denis immediately. He was going to be Vika's brother-in-law soon, but I wondered if he had even known that before I told him. From what I knew, his brother was a respected Guardian, currently working at St. Basil's. Denis was a whole different story altogether, and I wondered how Rose fell in with this crowd in the first place. I couldn't say I was surprised, but it did worry me.

They saw me approaching and immediately got quiet. I could see them put up a wall, masking all emotions from their face except for one obvious one-contempt.

"Hello," I said, walking up to them.

"Hi," replied the girl of the group. The other two men nodded in my direction, while Denis stayed quiet.

"What can we do for you," one of them asked.

"Um, yes, I wanted to ask if you knew where Rose was."

None of them responded so I asked again, dropping some of the respect from my tone.

"Where is Rose?"

The four shared uneasy glances between each other, alerting me that something was amiss.

"Где Роза?" I repeated the question again in Russian.

"Umm she needed to get away for a bit," the girl of the group, Tamara replied.

"What do you mean? Is she okay? Did she leave?" I began to panic. Rose couldn't leave me again, at least not without giving me a warning before hand.

"No she's technically still here," another one spoke up. I think his name was Lev.

That just made me more confused.

"Please, just tell me what's going on," I pleaded.

All eyes turned to Denis and they seemed to be waiting for his permission. I had noticed he was closest to Rose out of the four, so they weren't going to say anything until he agreed. The thought alone of him being so close to Rose irked the shit out of me.

Clearing his throat, he looked around to make sure no one else was listening and finally spoke. "Rose is going through her needing period right now."

"What's that?" If anything, I was more confused now than I was before.

"It has to do with her being part wolf. The first time it happened was exactly a year ago," said Tamara.

"What happens to her during it?"

The four of them looked more uncomfortable now than they did before.

"She basically goes into heat," Denis mumbled.

My eyebrows furrowed at what he said.

"Last year, Rose decided to sit out on one of our usual strigoi hunting nights. She kept complaining that her head hurt. A couple of hours later, we were on our way home and heard her crying and screaming from inside," Artur said.

Tamara picked up the story from there, "We came in and she was on the floor half naked and sobbing. She just kept telling us to leave and that us being there was making it worse. We tried to stay and help, but there wasn't anything we could do so we left."

"That's not true," mumbled Denis.

"You know what I mean," glared Tamara.

I looked between the two and they both noticed.

"There is a way to help Rose, but she refused. The thing is," he stopped, rubbing the back of his neck. A deep blush covered his face and I could tell he was uncomfortable. "Since Rose is half human, her being in need affects the males around her…physically," he said looking pointedly at me.

I understood him perfectly. Rose being around other men during her needing caused them to get aroused. I was instantly grateful that she decided to get far from the people of court or that would have caused serious trouble.

"How long does this last?"

"When we finally came back hours later, she was passed out on the floor, in the bathroom. When she eventually came to, she told us it lasted around half the day, and she kept slipping in and out of consciousness, because of it."

My heart clenched at the thought of Rose going through such an intense physical pain alone. She was by far the strongest person I knew and the fact that her pain was so intense that she passed out worried me beyond belief.

"Is there anything we can do to help her?"

They all got quiet again, sharing looks between each other.

"скажи мне, пожалуйста!" I asked them to please tell me in our native tongue. If Rose was already alone right now and going through this then I wanted to know what I could do to help her.

They must have heard the panic in my voice, because Denis finally told me.

"The only thing that can help her is having sex."

My eyes widened in surprise and I was momentarily left speechless. I shouldn't have been surprised since they did tell me Rose essentially goes into heat, but I thought there might be another solution out there that could help relieve her pain.

"Look, we love Rose and care about her, but only as friends," Denis said and the other two men nodded in agreement. "But, we even offered to, uh, to help her when it happened." Denis rubbed the back of his neck again and looked to the floor.

"She told us she didn't want anyone to help her and just told us to leave, so we did," Lev said.

I was silently praising God that Rose refused to have sex with all three of them, but my momentary spark of happiness diminished when I realized she stayed in pain for that long because of her decision to refuse any help.

I processed everything they said. I knew Rose was different now. I had seen the video along with the others of Rose shifting in the warehouse. But I was just now realizing all of the other changes Rose had endured in these past two years.

"So where is she now?" I asked.

"We're not sure, but she said she was going to find the furthest cabin in court and go there," Tamara told me.

I nodded and tried to think of all of the abandoned cabins I knew of at court.

"Thank you for telling me. I know you probably didn't want to-"

"You're right," Denis interrupted, but I ignored him.

"But I still appreciate it," I finished.

Giving them one more look of gratitude, I set off to help the woman I love.


	11. Chapter 11

**I tried so hard to make this come across the way I wanted and I still don't feel 100% satisfied. Still, I hope you all enjoy it. Please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters belong to Richelle Mead.**

Entering the woods, the force of my need shot through my body and sapped the strength from my arms and legs.

I fell onto my hands and knees and willed myself to get up, but all I could manage was a pathetic crawl.

I needed to get into that cabin and quick. I had told the others that my dizziness and headaches were increasing so I was going to head over to the cabin before the actual needing started. I had just made into the woods when the first wave of heat hit me.

If I wanted to get into the cabin and fast, I only had one option. Weakly, I shrugged off each article of clothing. When I was reduced to just my bra, my arms made feeble attempts to unhook it until I finally gave up.

Pushing my body and getting on all fours once again, I took a deep breath through the pain and shifted.

Biting down hard so as not to scream out, I waited the full minute it took for all of my bones to adjust until I finally shifted into my wolf form.

If I weren't going through what I was, I would've loved the feeling of shifting after so long. Though it was summer, I could feel a light breeze blowing through my silver fur. I felt momentarily free.

Picking up my clothes between my teeth, I pushed my legs as fast as they could go until I made it to the cabin.

I shifted back outside of the cabin, butt ass naked and pushed myself through the door with my clothes in my hand.

The cabin had the basic essentials- a bed, bathroom, small kitchen, and fireplace.

Looking around, I was reminded of another cabin similar to this one. Thinking back to that night, those moments, being sprawled naked in the sheets with Dimitri as he made love to me for the first time, caused a powerful roar of arousal to hit me.

I fell onto all fours, sweating and panting as the throb between my legs became unbearable.

It felt like my core had its own pulse.

I dragged my body to the bed and pulled myself onto the mattress.

Closing my eyes, I tried to focus on just my breathing. I had a long day ahead of me and I needed to fight through the throbbing between my legs so I could remain conscious.

But all I could think about was one thing. Scratch that. All I could think about was one person.

 _Dimitri._

Last year, when I had refused the boys, part of it was because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had established. But a bigger reason was because I only wanted Dimitri.

But it had been a while since I had seen him when this happened to me in Russia last year so the need to have him inside of me wasn't too unbearable.

Now, it was suffocating me.

His scent, his voice, his touch were clear in my mind and all my body wanted right now was him.

It didn't help that I had currently taken residence in a cabin, one that bought back erotic memories of the man that was plaguing my mind.

I tried squeezing my legs tight.

 _Dimitri._

I put a pillow in between my legs and turned to my side.

 _Dimitri._

Anything I did, my core protested.

I needed to have Dimitri.

As another wave of heat passed through me, I had to bite down on the pillow so as not to scream out. I felt close to tears, but Janine didn't raise a bitch so I fought them off as hard as I could.

I wondered if I should have asked Dimitri to help me through this. I had a feeling he wouldn't refuse, but it felt wrong using him this way. I knew from experience this ordeal was going to last a while. If Dimitri were here, he would feel obligated to stay throughout, whether he wanted to or not, just because he knew I needed him to.

I couldn't do that to him. As much as I needed him right now, I couldn't use him to help me through this pain. It was too late now anyways. I was far away from the people of court and there was no way Dimitri would feel my need all the way from here.

Though my mind was able to think logically about this, my body couldn't.

I looked around the room to find a clock and luckily found one near the door. If the time was correct, I had only been here less than 2 hours.

Each minute that passed by had caused the throbbing in between my legs to increase.

Fuck it! If my wolf wanted Dimitri so bad, then that is what I'll give her.

Opening my legs, I slowly ran my hands down the length of my heated body.

My nipples were hard and aching, so sensitive that the brush of my fingertips shot a jolt of arousal to my already wet core.

As my hands made their way to my aching sex, I closed my eyes and thought of the dirtiest, most erotic thoughts I could of Dimitri. And it wasn't hard, since he was always at the forefront of my mind.

I imagined his rough, strong hands cupping my breasts that he loved so much. I pictured him teasing my entrance with the head of his cock, until I was begging him to fuck me.

As soon as my fingers came into contact with my clit, I came.

"Dimitri," I screamed out load, as my body shook from the force of my orgasm.

My mind registered the sound of a door closing and I opened my eyes to find the man who was currently assaulting my thoughts standing there, a look of concern and lust plastered onto his face.

"Roza," he whispered, taking in my naked, sweating, and writhing state.

The momentary calm that took over my body after my release left as soon as it came. Another wave of arousal shot through my core so powerfully, that it made the last 2 hours feel like nothing.

"I'm okay," I croaked out, so as not to worry Dimitri. "Seriously, I'll be-"

I couldn't finish, because a need so strong passed through me, that it practically pushed Dimitri into the closed door he just came through.

"What the hell," he whispered, looking around the room as if the windows and walls could explain to him what had just happened.

I looked at the area between his legs and could perfectly see the outline of his straining erection pushing against the fabric of his jeans. He could feel my need. He might not realize it, but it was affecting him just as it was affecting me.

I made the mistake of taking a deep breath and inhaled the scent of his aftershave mixed with the arousal dripping off of his skin.

Closing my eyes, I groaned out loud, "Go away," I bit my lip hard as the pain became unbearable. "You're making it worse, go away," I whimpered.

When I opened my eyes, he wasn't there. Turning onto my side again, I couldn't control the tears that began to slip down my face.

I wish I had died in those woods two years ago, instead of having to deal with this pain. No one could understand what I was going through, and no one was going to help me.

I breathed in deep again and was filled with his powerful scent.

My nipples stung and a spasm ripped through my core, making me cry out.  
Why did he bother coming here? His scent alone had made this needing far worse than I could have imagined.

I heard slight movement coming towards the bed, and I smelled him before I heard him.

"Rose, sit up for me," I felt him sit down on the bed beside me. I opened my eyes and could see him holding a glass of water by my head.

I didn't realize how parched I was until now. Dragging my body up as much as I could, I managed to hold my self up on my right forearm. Dimitri moved the glass to my lips and I hungrily gulped down each drop.

I dropped back down to the bed, and Dimitri gently brushed his hand across my cheeks to wipe my tears and push my damp hair off of my face.

His touch, his care, his scent was all too much as a blast of heat came out of my body and caused Dimitri to groan out loud. He could feel it.

"Oh God," I closed my eyes and began to sob, "It hurts so bad."

"I know Roza, I know. I'll take care of you," Dimitri said, getting up once again.

My eyes clenched tight as the pain continued to course through my body.

I could hear the sound of clothes dropping and then suddenly felt Dimitri's naked body covering my own.

My eyes flew open, and I began to weep openly and fully as I felt his naked chest rubbing against my aching nipples. The head of his hard cock brushed against my clit and I came, hard.

"Dimitri," I screamed grabbing onto his shoulders tight. My arms and legs fell limb as I basked in the peace that followed my orgasm. My momentary relief ended not even a few seconds later when a jolt arousal so strong passed through me that it pushed Dimitri off my chest.

I closed my eyes and sobbed in complete misery. I could hear Dimitri saying something to me, but I couldn't register a word he said over the sound of my crying. My body was writhing and pushing against his, begging him to do something to make this pain go away. I felt his arm come across my chest, trying to hold me down, as his left hand pushed my legs open. His strong thighs captured my much smaller ones underneath his to get me to stop moving, but I was too far-gone.

The pain was unbearable and I couldn't stop moving even if I wanted to.

"Roza lie still," I heard him say.

And then, in one hard thrust, he filled me.

My moan of relief matched Dimitri's as he began to move his hips at a steady pace, fucking me deep and hard, just like I needed him to. My hips rose up to meet his as he propped himself on both arms.

Beyond the needing, it felt so good to finally be connected like this with Dimitri again. Our first time had been beautiful and magical, taking place at the cabin at St. Vlad's. Our second time was different yet beyond erotic, because Dimitri hadn't held anything back when he fucked me as a strigoi.

This right now, him helping me in my time of need, in a cabin no less, felt as if we had come full circle.

I closed my eyes as the sensation of his big, thick cock moving in and out of my tight, wet heat became too much to handle. I could feel the coil in the pit of my stomach tightening and two thrusts later, I clamped down hard on Dimitri's length as a powerful orgasm racked through my body.

Not even a moment later, I felt myself being filled by Dimitri in a different way. He came in great waves, pouring into me, and I cried in relief. This is what I needed.

His seed cooled off the fire that had taken residence in my womb.

It felt a lot like the water Dimitri had given me earlier. The water had quenched the dryness in my throat, just like Dimitri's release soothed the fire in my womb.

He pulled himself out of me and rolled his powerful body away from mine to lie down next to me. The sudden feeling of loss had me whimpering, so I turned my body towards his and molded myself to his side.

"Don't go," I whispered, looking up at him.

His eyes were closed, and his cheeks were pink from the physical exertion he just put himself through. Dimitri looked relaxed and content, and I had never seen him look more beautiful than he did right now.

Chuckling, he opened his eyes to look at me, "I'm not going anywhere."

I needed to tell him how much I appreciated that he was here, but I felt like I should warn him about what this needing would take out of him. I was going to need him every single time the heat ran through my body.

Before I could say anything though, he moved his head to the side and brushed his lips against mine. Pressing his mouth harder onto mine, he ran his tongue over my bottom lip. I granted him entrance as he slowly and deeply began to kiss me.

As our tongues touched and breath mingled, my need to consume him ripped through my body and settled into my core once again.

I abruptly pulled myself away from his mouth, and rolled over onto my back again.

"Oh god," I moaned out loud. I was fully enjoying just basking in the aftermath of our coupling, and hoped it could've lasted longer.

I looked over at Dimitri and saw the scent of my need had made him fully erect again.

"Rose-"  
"It hurts Dimitri, it hurts," I said, clamping my eyes shut.

I could feel him easing his body over mine and forcing my thighs apart.

Settling himself in between my legs, he lowered his mouth by my ear and whispered, "Let me take of you Roza."

I looked up at him and could see the concern and desire written on his face. I forced my body to stop thrashing around long enough for Dimitri to thrust himself inside of me once again.

He pulled my hips up and cupped my ass, to get deeper inside of me. Dimitri drove his hard, thick cock into my aching pussy with a speed that I had never experienced before. I grabbed onto his neck, my fingers tangling into his silky hair, and dragged him mouth to mine.  
His tongue delved into my mouth just as his cock did to my pussy. He swallowed my moans, and soon after, I felt my walls tightening around him once again.

My orgasm was dragged out as I could feel Dimitri's length continuing to slide in and out of me. He dropped his head down to my chest and took one of my hard buds into his mouth and sucked it roughly.

The sensation of his mouth on my nipple, his cock penetrating me hard and deep, and the rough patch of hair above his groin rubbing erotically against my clit caused me to clamp down on him once again, as I shattered apart in ecstasy.

"Fuck, Dimitri, fuck," I moaned, as I took his release with me. Once again, I was filled with his soothing seed, calming the fire that was roaring in my womb.

Dimitri once again rolled off of me, but grabbed my hand and pulled me with him so I was half sprawled across his naked, sweaty chest.

He already looked tired and we had only had sex two times.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, suddenly feeling ashamed for using him like this. Even though I hadn't been the one to call him here, I still felt bad that I wasn't more adamant in pushing him away.

"There's nothing to apologize for," he replied, his voice sounding rough and his accent coming out stronger.

"For making you stay," I clarified. "I feel like I'm using you."

He shook his head, and a damp piece of hair fell across his forehead. Reaching up, I pushed it off his face, and kept my hand on his cheek.

He moved his lips slightly and kissed the palm of my hand before looking at me again.

"I wanted to be here, I couldn't stay away."

"How did you find me?"

"Your friends told me, said this happened to you before and they had offered to help you, but you refused. I couldn't leave you like this." He explained, trying to even out his breathing.

I looked away, feeling guilty. It seemed like he was here, because he felt bad that I was going through this alone. Like he felt obligated to be here.

"I thought I was going to have to kill one of your friends," he said.

My eyes shot to his in surprise, "Why?"

"When they were telling me how you get, I was waiting for one of them to say that they helped you. I would've killed them Rose," he looked over at me, his gaze unwavering.

"If anyone were to help you, to touch you while you're like this, I think I would've killed them," he admitted.

Hearing Dimitri sound so possessive over me caused the fire to take home in my womb once again.

"I wouldn't want anyone but you touching me," I whispered, seductively and it was the truth. He was the only one I wanted. He was the only one I wanted last year, and he was the only one I wanted right now.

Dimitri could already feel what I needed so he turned to his side and threw my right leg over his hip. He aligned his cock at my entrance, pressed his lips against mine, and pushed himself inside of me.

The position and angle, at which Dimitri was fucking me, caused him to hit that spot deep within me, making me moan his name out in complete pleasure. Our chests rubbed together, and he stared me deep in my eyes as he fucked me. I put one hand underneath his head to run my fingers through his hair, while my other hand gripped his back.

Dimitri's hands cupped my ass as he pushed my hips harder onto his.

Within a blink of an eye, he pushed his body against mine, so I was once again lying on my back.

Suddenly, he slowed his thrusts down and an almost crazed look overtook his face.

"Dimitri-"

"Tell me, tell me you're never going to leave me, again," he begged, completely stilling inside of me.

I searched his eyes and could tell just how serious and desperate he was for me to answer.

"Dimitri-"

He cut me off again, thrusting really hard once, eliciting a load moan from me.

"Promise me Roza, promise me," he pleaded, his voice dropping to a whisper.

Tears filled my eyes for a completely different reason. I could see the vulnerability and desperation, two emotions he rarely showed, being clearly portrayed in his eyes.

He loved me.

He _loves_ me.

I gripped his face and bought his lips down to mine for a fierce kiss.

Pulling away, I answered, "I promise, I promise."

Rolling my head to the side, I looked at the clock. It was 9 o'clock in the morning. The last time I had looked at the clock, right before Dimitri had gotten here, it read 7 p.m.

14 hours…

We had been fucking each other for 14 hours. I lost count of how many times we did it after the third round. All I know is this- every time the heat rose within me, Dimitri rolled over on top of me to relieve the ache.

The sheets below me were damp with a mixture of our sweat and Dimitri's semen. The whole roomed smelled like sex.

Looking over at Dimitri, I felt slight guilt whirling inside of me again. He made it clear that he wanted to be here, and he had showed me just that, but it didn't stop me from feeling a little bad for all that I had put him through this past day.

He looked like he had dropped 10 pounds since he stepped foot into the cabin. His cock was glistening with my juices and laying limb across his stomach.

His hips, similar to the inside of my thighs, sported bruises from the amount of times we had sex.

His arms and legs were splayed out and he had his eyes closed. He had been in that position for almost an hour; since he had last rolled off of me.

The more he relieved the fire in my womb with his release, the more far apart the need to have him inside of me became.

This was the longest I had gone without needing him inside of me, but I didn't feel like I was finished yet.

The area between my legs was sore, and I was sure that Dimitri's cock must be, too. And as tired as I felt from the numerous amounts of times we made love, I couldn't help but feel alive. It was like every time Dimitri spilled his seed inside of me, I felt stronger and healthier. I guess this is why wolves went through this once a year.

Now that I had someone to relieve my ache, I understood the needing a lot better and felt grateful that it occurred before the battle.

If I felt strong before, I felt completely indestructible now.

And it was all because of Dimitri.

My need for him shot through my body once again and I could tell he immediately felt it, because his cock was hard and ready.

I reached over, wrapping my fingers around it and savored the feeling of how smooth and warm it felt. Dimitri opened his eyes to look over at me.

I could see him try to lift his head off of the pillow and after a few moments, he gave up. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me on top of him so I straddled his hips.

"Take me like this," he spoke, his voice sounding rough and sexy.

His arms splayed out on his sides again as I grabbed onto his cock and slowly lowered myself onto it. I couldn't take my eyes off of our union, and the sight of Dimitri's length inching its way into my slick heat will forever be etched into my mind.

Once I was fully impaled onto his manhood, I began to move up and down at the pace I needed.

There were two things Dimitri could never get enough of and they were my hair and my breasts. So the fact that he wasn't using this opportunity to touch either of those told me just how tired he was.

And despite his exhaustion, he still groaned in ecstasy as I began to move faster on top of him.

I placed my hands on his hard pecs, so I could move my hips down onto his at a better angle. I could feel the head of his cock hitting the area deep within me and I gasped out his name.

Looking down at Dimitri, I was suddenly overcome with a love so deep for him that I hadn't realized I had slowed down.

I hadn't told him I forgave him and didn't even give him the guarantee that I would give our relationship another chance, yet here he was, helping me through this.

In all of time since I had been bitten, I had never once had the urge to bite another human being. But seeing Dimitri lying beneath me, looking at me like I was the only woman in the world, I was suddenly overcome with the need to sink my teeth into his flesh and make him my own.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, his voice hoarse. Clearing his throat, he said, "So beautiful, it still hurts me."

My eyes filled with tears as Dimitri repeated the words he once uttered to me during the lust charm. Continuing to move my hips slowly onto his, I leaned down and kissed him softly on his mouth.

Pulling back, Dimitri opened his eyes and his eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Roza," he whispered, sounding concerned. I looked at him confused, and he clarified, "Roza your eyes."

I reached up and touched my face, and understood immediately what Dimitri meant. Anytime I was overcome with strong emotions of love, sadness, or hatred, my wolf clawed her way out. I had just felt like I was drowning in love for Dimitri so my eyes changed to the color of my wolf. It changed to the color of red.

Closing my eyes and shaking my head, I said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's okay Roza-"

"I'm sorry," I said panicking, stilling completely on top of him.

"Roza, its okay, I understand." I looked into his eyes and saw that he wasn't scared or disgusted at all. "I understand, okay?"

I nodded, lowering my eyes from his gaze.

"Keep moving Roza, take what you need from me," he whispered again.

I braced my hands on his pecs once again and began to lower my hips harder onto his. The sound of his balls slapping against my ass, spurred me to move faster. I could feel the rough patch of hair on top of his cock, rubbing against my clit each time I moved down.

Dropping down onto his cock one last time, I came hard, taking Dimitri along with me. My orgasm milked the release from his body, cooling the fire in my womb.

I fell onto his chest and suddenly the needing was over.

The strong, female energy that had been coursing through the room the minute I had stepped foot into the cabin had left and I sighed in relief.

Hugging myself tight to his strong, and powerful body, I knew that I would never love anyone the way I loved him.


	12. Chapter 12

**So this chapter was supposed to be a lot shorter, but I didn't want to end it on an emotional note so I added a bit of smut into it lol. This chapter will focus more on Rose and Dimitri's relationship. I hope you all enjoy and please let me know what you think!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters belong to Richelle Mead**

Lying there, basking in the aftermath of our long session of love making, I couldn't help but feel at peace for the first time in years.

After I had slumped over on top of him, exhausted and thoroughly sated, Dimitri had gently nudged me off and went into the little kitchen to find us something to eat.

Seeing him trying to navigate in the kitchen after all I had put him through was both comical and heart warming. He stumbled around, like a newborn calf walking for the first time. How he managed to even lift himself out of the bed was beyond me.

Still, he managed to whip up some sandwiches for the both of us to eat, before exhaustion took over and we both passed out.

Now, we were lying together, touching and feeling every inch of skin we could on the other.

My head rested on his left shoulder as my finger traced over the tattoo of my name on his pectoral.

"I can't believe you got this," I said to him, unable to look away from the Cyrillic writing. I ran over the tattoo with my fingertip, over and over again.

Dimitri bought his hand up, and covered my own with his much larger one, halting my movement.

"This is nothing. What I felt when I thought I lost you…" Dimitri trailed off, and I finally tore my attention away from his chest to look him in the eyes. His eyebrows were scrunched together, and he seemed to be lost in a memory. Clearing his throat, he repeated, "This is nothing."

Dimitri and I were similar in a lot of ways, and one of the biggest ones was the fact that we were both unable to convey into words what we were feeling in our hearts. Tell us to fight an army of strigoi, and we would, no questions asked. But ask us to talk about our feelings, and we ran the other way.

But today, it seemed like Dimitri had a lot to get off of his chest.

He turned to his side, so he was facing me. Dimitri looked at me for a long time, a mix of emotions swirling in his brown eyes- pain, regret, and guilt taking reign.

I wasn't going to push him to speak, but I did reach my hand up to his face to rub my palm over his cheek, savoring the feeling of his stubble rubbing against it, and trying to bring him some comfort. The movement seemed to relax him, a bit.

Finally, he took a deep breath and spoke.

"One of the most vivid memories I've carried with me for almost three years is the sound of you screaming for me outside of those caves."

My breath hitched in my throat and my eyes widened in surprise.

The day of the rescue mission at St. Vladimir's was one of the worst days of my life. After Dimitri and I had made love for the first time and promised to make our relationship work, I lost him. He was turned strigoi and my life had gone to shit from there.

So hearing him bring that up was both unexpected and heart wrenching.

"When I was grabbed, all I could hear was you, screaming my name and begging everyone to let you go. And I was so happy that for once, everyone around you was able to prevent you from doing what you wanted, and that was walking into that death trap to save me."

The trek back to the academy had been a hazy one, my mind completely occupied by the fact that I left Dimitri behind after promising him I wouldn't let anything happen to him. I did remember trying to fight my mom and Stan off to let me go, but they hadn't, instead dragging me back to the academy.

"At that moment, all I could think about was you. And more specifically, the pain you must've been going through to see me die like that."

A whimper escaped me and my eyes filled with tears, but Dimitri kept speaking.

"I wasn't even thinking about myself Rose. All that was running through my mind was that I wish me dying hadn't been the last memory you had of me. I wish it had been a better one, like me telling you how much I loved you, or kissing you, or of us making love in that cabin. Just anything, but the one that you actually had of me, which was of me dying," his voice cracked as he said those last words, obviously feeling just as overwhelmed with his emotions as I was.

Since I was lying on my side, my tears started spilling out, trailing down my cheeks, and making the pillow below my head wet with tears. But I didn't bother wiping them away, because my whole focus was on Dimitri and what he was saying.

"At that moment before I changed and even after I was turned back, I always thought back to how you must've felt outside of those caves. Rose, I couldn't even fathom the type of pain you must've gone through, losing me like that. And then I heard Lissa scream, saying that the bond broke."

Dimitri let out a shaky breath, and I could see his eyes glistening with unshed tears. "That was the moment, when I finally understood what you must've felt like outside of those caves. And just like I had wanted your last memory of me to be a good one, all I could think about was the last thing that I had said to you."

I closed my eyes tight, silently crying as my mind took me back to the last time I had seen Dimitri before I was taken.

"And it killed me. It killed me to think that you died thinking I didn't love you," he said, his voice cracking. I opened my eyes to see tears running down Dimitri's cheeks, "Because I love you Rose. I loved you then, and I love you now. And I'm going to keep loving until the day that I'm dead."

A sob broke out of me as I pulled Dimitri's body to my naked chest. I gripped him by the shoulders so hard, that I could feel my nails digging into his skin, but I didn't care and neither did he.

Dimitri buried his face in my neck and though he didn't make a sound, I could feel my neck and shoulder become wet with his tears. I lied on my back, clutching Dimitri, as we both let go of the emotions we had been feeling.

I peppered kisses all over his hair and forehead, overwhelmed by the emotions I was feeling for him. Not even Lissa could elicit such a tearful and emotional response from me. Only Dimitri had the power to do that, just like I was the only one to bring him to the current state he was in right now.

Eventually our tears died down, but we still held each other close, lying side by side, with my head being supported by his arm.

Clearing his throat, he continued, "For the longest time, I wanted to just give up. I didn't care anymore, about anything. As shameful as it is for me to admit this out loud, I stopped caring about the oath I took as a guardian, the Morois, just everyone and everything. I went on every suicide strigoi mission that took place, not even allowing any time for rest or recovery in between."

I shouldn't have been surprised to hear this considering Lissa had essentially told me how Dimitri had separated himself from everyone around him, but hearing him say it still broke my heart.

"I can't say anyone got over what happened to you, no one did. But they were all eventually able to move on with their lives, because they all had someone to move on with. And that just left me."

"You know, before I met you, I enjoyed my solitude and savored being alone. And then you came into my life, so loud and full of life. It was like I was alive before, but I didn't really start living until I met you."

"Dimitri," I said softly, my eyes filling with tears once again at the love I could so clearly hear in his voice.

He lowered his head to place a kiss on my sternum, then one on my forehead, before placing a soft kiss on my lips. Pulling back, he continued to speak.

"Then the day of your birthday came along," he chuckled, but his laughter was void of any type of humor. "Remember how I kept pestering you at the academy to tell me what you wanted for your birthday, knowing full well that all you wanted was me. I had so much planned for that day, but..." he trailed off once again. He didn't need to finish, because I knew how I spent my birthday.

"And then the roles were reversed, and I was here for your birthday, but you were gone. I drunk myself into oblivion, like you wouldn't even believe." My mouth dropped open, trying to imagine a hammered Dimitri and I could not for the life of me picture it. Noticing my shocked expression, he nodded and said, "Yes Rose, drunk out of my mind."

"I sat in my room, drinking shot after shot, thinking about every memory I had of you, of us. Our training sessions and the few moments of weakness I would allow us when we would sneak kisses in between, making love to you for the first time, and my favorite one of all- you telling me you loved me," he said, giving me a sad smile.

I traced my fingertips over his lips, trying to find any way to keep feeling him. He kissed the tips of my fingers, and I pulled them away to allow him keep speaking.

"And while I was drinking, I realized I had nothing to show of our love. I had no picture of us together, no gift that we had exchanged, nothing. I had nothing to prove that we even knew each other. So as I sat there, wallowing in my own self-misery, I thought about how easy it would be to just end it all," he admitted softly, lowering his gaze from mine.

I pulled myself away from him and sat up so quickly that the movement shocked him as well.

"What?" I whispered, unable to wrap my head around what Dimitri was trying to say to me. "What did you say?"

Dimitri sat up too but still refused to look me in the eyes. I leaned forward, placing my hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at me.

"Dimitri," I said, urgently "What are you saying?"

"I just, I missed you. I wanted to see you again," he said, his voice thick with emotion. He swiped at his eyes and continued. "I just wanted to see you, I thought that if I…," I enveloped him in a hug once again, unable to hear those words come out of Dimitri's mouth. "I needed to see you. I missed you," he whispered in my ear.

He wrapped his strong arms around my much smaller frame, pulling me into his lap, and crushing me to his chest. I pulled away slightly to look at his face, though I still kept my arms around his shoulders.

"I can't believe this Dimitri, I can't believe you wanted to do that," I told him, shaking my head slightly in disbelief.

"I was miserable Rose, and the alcohol didn't make it any better. Luckily though, I passed out from it before I could do anything stupid," he said and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"The next morning, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. It was like the post-strigoi self-hatred all over again. And all I thought about was how disappointed you would've been in me at that moment. It was weird, because even though you were the reason I wanted to take my life, you were also the reason to make me keep living."

I leaned down and kissed him, pecking his lips over and over again.

I pulled back slightly, so our noses were almost touching.

"So that day, I went to the tattoo artist here at court and got this done," he said, patting the tattoo on his chest. "It was the reminder I needed to live the best life I could in honor of you, to be the man you would've been proud of."

Clearing my throat to get rid of the lump that was forming there due to everything Dimitri admitted, I said, "I am proud of you." Running my fingers through his silky hair, I continued, "I've always been proud of you."

"Yeah?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

I leaned forward again, so our foreheads were touching, and closed my eyes, savoring the silence that followed such a heavy and emotional conversation.

A little while later, we reluctantly pulled back, though I remained seated in his lap.

"I hate to say this, but we're going to have to go back soon," I said, frowning.

Dimitri tipped his head back and groaned, "I know."

Looking at me again, he got mischievous glint in his eyes.

"We can't go back looking and smelling like this. The least we could do is fit in a quick shower together."

I stared at him in amusement. "How can you possibly be thinking about sex? I'm pretty sure you broke my vagina."

His deep and hearty laughter filled the room and a smile instantly broke out on my face at the sound of it.

He looked at me once he calmed down though he was still grinning ear to ear.

"I said nothing about sex. You just have a dirty mind."

I gave him an are-you-kidding-me look. Instead of replying, he got up on his feet, with me still in his arms and threw me over his shoulder.

I yelped in surprise at the sudden movement and tried to lift my head up, but to no avail.

"Dimitri, put me down," I demanded, trying to sound serious and failing miserably.

"No, I quite like this view," and to add emphasis to his statement, he spanked my bare ass, causing me to moan in response.

"Two can play at that game Comrade," I said, and slapped his ass cheek way harder than he had done to me.

"Ooo do it again," he said jokingly, not giving me the response I hoped he would.

"Perv," I muttered.

Once we made it to the bathroom, he stepped into the small tub and finally placed me back on my feet.

Dimitri stepped out and opened up the cabinet in the bathroom, pulling out a new, small package of soap. He also found a small bottle of shampoo and conditioner.

"There's not separate bottles for the two?" I asked, pointing to the item in his hand, as he ripped the packaging off the soap.

"No, does it matter?" he questioned, stepping back into the shower.

"Uh yeah," I said, looking at him as if he was stupid. I pointed to my hair, which probably looked like a mess right now anyway. "This doesn't just happen Dimitri. It takes a lot of hard work."

Leaning down, he quickly pecked me on the lips. "You'll live."

Reaching behind me, he turned on the showerhead and adjusted the temperate to both of our liking.

I had only ever been with Dimitri, and everything sexual I had done so far had been with him.

So standing here in the shower, as Dimitri and I took turns silently lathering each other up with soap and rubbing shampoo through each others hair, I thought to myself that I had never done something so intimate before.

Having sex was in its own category of intimacy, but the aftercare that followed was just as important.

I could feel the love pouring out of Dimitri as he gently rubbed his fingers against my scalp, peppering kisses on my wet skin along the way. With the way he turned me around so my back pressed against his chest, and lathered the soap along the length of my torso, paying extra close attention to my heavy breasts.

And the love was present in the way he kneeled before my body and wiped the evidence of our love making away from the inside of my thighs.

He didn't get up though, and instead, placed kisses at the skin where his hands had just been. Moving up a little, he skipped over the tender area between my legs, and nibbled on the skin of my hips. His hands ran up the back of my thighs and cupped my butt cheeks, pulling my body closer to his mouth.

"Dimitri," I whimpered, feeling an arousal building in my core, despite all we had done already.

Placing kisses along my hip, he asked, "You're sore?"

I looked down into his eyes, and nodded regretfully. I would've loved to have Dimitri inside of me again, but I needed a break. It didn't help that he was much larger than the average male and had the ability to fuck me into complete exhaustion.

Gently nudging my legs apart, he hooked my left leg over his shoulder and looked up at me again. Realization of what he wanted to do dawned on me and I instantly became breathless.

"Rose," he whispered, so close to my sex that I could feel his breath against me.

"Yes," I responded, just as quietly.

"I want to taste your pussy," he said, causing me to gasp out loud.

Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine those words to come out of his mouth. He took in my look of surprise and gave me one of slight amusement.

"What else did you think I was doing down here?" he said, placing a small kiss on the inside of my thigh before looking up at me again.

"I just, I never thought I would hear you say something so dirty," I told him and a slight blush covered his cheeks as I pointed out his vulgar statement.

"I guess you just bring out that side of me," he said looking up at me, though I could tell he was still a bit embarrassed.

"Say it again," I whispered, and this time he looked at me in surprise.

"What?"

"Say it again, please," I asked, my back arching off the shower wall, as I became more aroused by the second.

His eyes darkened with lust and he moved his mouth closer to me, "I want to eat your pussy."

I moaned and whispered, "Again."

"I want to tongue fuck your pussy," he said and then his mouth was on me, devouring every inch of my sex with his tongue, just like he promised.

I moan out load at the sensation of his tongue making patterns on my clit, and I gripped his wet, silky hair to have something to hold onto.

As much as I wanted to throw my head back and close my eyes, I couldn't take my eyes off of Dimitri on his knees, pleasuring me in a way no man had ever done before. It was both shocking, yet erotic to see such a strong, and powerful man like Dimitri with his head buried between my legs, doing whatever he could to get me to cum.

I tangled my fingers even tighter in his hair causing him to groan onto my pussy and grinded myself against his mouth, offering him more of me.

"Fuck Dimitri," I moaned out loud, as I pulled one hand away from his hair and brought it up to my chest. I tugged at my aching nipples, alternating between the two hard buds.

Looking down once again, I could tell from Dimitri's intense gaze and the quickness of his tongue against my clit that he enjoyed the sight of me playing with my breasts.

I took my other hand out of Dimitri's hair and bought my fingers to my pussy, interrupting Dimitri only slightly and gathered up some of the wetness that had formed from his mouth on me.

I bought both hands up to my chest slowly, and rubbed my slickness against my nipples, causing Dimitri to growl lightly at the sight of my action and nibble on my clit roughly. I looked down to see he had gripped his hard length, and was moving his hand quickly over it, stroking himself.

"Oh fuck," I gasped, the sight of Dimitri pleasuring himself bringing me closer to the brink of my orgasm.

The quickness of his hand around his thick cock matched the rhythm of his tongue on my pussy. He licked up and down my slit, before nibbling on my bundle of nerves.

"Yes, yes," I panted, throwing my head back and pushing myself further against his eager mouth.

Pulling away slightly, he mumbled, "Cum for me Roza," before roughly sucking my clit into his mouth once again, and pushing me over the edge.

"Dimitri," I screamed his name, my hands finding their way to his hair once again as tremors of pleasure ran through my body. I felt Dimitri groan against me, and I knew he had just cum, too.

He licked up and down my slit, calming me through my orgasm, until I slumped back against the shower wall. Kissing me one final time against my clit, he worked his way back up my body.

Dimitri cupped my face in his rough, calloused hands, and kissed me deeply, allowing me to taste myself on his tongue. I quietly moaned and ran my hands up and down his chest, savoring the feel of his muscles contracting beneath my hands.

Eventually we pulled away from each other, but he still hugged me close to his body.

We stared at each other for a long time, conveying our love for one another through our eyes, yet remaining silent.

I looked away from him, instead wrapping my arms around his waist, and placing my head against his chest. Listening to his heart beating beneath my ear, I enjoyed our last few moments alone together before we went back out into the real world.


	13. Chapter 13

**Finally after what seems like forever, I am back with a new chapter. It wasn't until I started writing the chapter out did I realize how much I missed it. I feel guilty, because I feel like I neglected this story to focus on 'Her Guardian.' I'll try to update both as much as I can.**

 **Please let me know what you think and enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer- All characters belong to Richelle Mead**

"What do we know so far?" I asked Hans after he called Dimitri and I in to debrief us on the meeting we had missed the previous day.

He seemed pissed that we had missed it in the first place, but after explaining to him that Dimitri had been _aiding_ me in an important matter regarding my wolf side, he decided to let it go.

"In regards to the note you had found, we are coming to the end of the two-week deadline. I've sent guardians out to the far part of town to keep a look out on any unusual strigoi sightings."

"Unusual how?" I asked him.

"Meaning if there seems to be a greater number of casualty amongst civilian life than what we're used to seeing. It is harder for a large group to hide themselves in one area."

I nodded my head, what Hans said making sense to me.

"What did the guardians find?" Dimitri asked.

"Nothing in particular yet, but we're still remaining prepared. I've set up extra wards around the palace itself so if the strigoi manage to use humans to break through our first set of wards, they will be stuck once they arrive towards the Queen's palace."

"What about the lower housing area?"

"What about it?" Hans asked me.

I sighed in annoyance, forgetting how different Court was compared to the world outside of the wards.

Every rich and well off Moroi had less to worry about, because they had their guardians protecting them.

But the average people, like Mia and her dad, would be left to fend for themselves.

"I'm talking about the rest of the Morois who don't have a guardian to protect them," I explained to him.

Hans sighed in regret, understanding what I meant.

"Hathaway, it's a miracle I gathered up enough guardians to protect the border of Court and have the rest be prepared to fight inside of the wards. I already sent a televised message to every place here about what we might face in the next couple of days, but I also advised them that leaving the wards now might put them in more danger if so many strigoi are actually close by. A lot of the royals have already fled away in their jets. It was difficult enough trying to keep the panic of everyone else at bay, but finding enough guardians to protect every single Moroi at Court is impossible."

I understood Hans's dilemma, but it just showed the unfairness in our Moroi/Dhampir system. Not only did the royals get the top pick of guardians, but now most of them left Court so we had even less people to help us win this fight.

"Then I am offering up all of the help that I can."

When I had first come to Court, I wanted to keep my wolf side as hidden as possible. The less people that knew, the better because as far as I knew, I was the only Dhampir werewolf that existed.

People already thought I was a head case for being shadow kissed. Though there was a time where I loved attention, I didn't need another reason for people to talk about what a freak I was.

But that all paled in comparison when I thought about the amount of lives that could be saved by the help of the wolves.

I would take being a social outcast any day if it meant saving even one innocent life.

"I wanted to avoid bringing that part of me into this battle, but I will if it's absolutely necessary. I can tell you right now that there are at least 300 wolves that can show up by my howling out for them once. Not only are they strigoi killing machines, but this way we'll also have the added element of surprise over them."

I swear I had never seen Hans look so relieved in my life and it bought a small smile to my face.

If I felt bad for Alberta for taking on the responsibility of everyone at St. Vladimir's, then I felt terrible for Hans who had to worry about the wellbeing of everyone at Court.

"I think we might actually have a chance at this," he said, trying not to show how hopeful he was.

"We will," I admitted and truly meant it. The biggest advantage that we had over them was that we knew they were planning to attack. We were ready for them.

"I do think that you should have another meeting briefing all of the guardians about what I am. I wanted to keep this part of me a secret, but if I end up looking like I did in the footage you found of me, then I don't want a guardian mistaking me for a strigoi and trying to stake me."

My red eyes and elongated fangs were enough for a guardian to believe I was a strigoi and I didn't want to worry about killing off strigoi, while also defending myself against guardians during the battle. I wanted no distractions.

"I will," Hans said. "I'll set up two meetings early tomorrow and you and I will both explain to them what they should be expecting to see during the battle so no one is alarmed."

I nodded in agreement.

It was the beginning of the Moroi night now so we had to wait at least 10 hours before the first meeting.

When Dimitri and I had finally left the cabin and came back to his room, we ended up sleeping like the dead for half of the day. So while the rest of the Court was getting ready for bed, we were wide-awake.

"I have some strategies that have worked in the raids I've done and also from my experience in the battle at St. Vladimir's that I'd like to run by you when you have the chance," Dimitri said, speaking up for the second time since we had gotten here.

"Excellent, I'm open to all ideas. Can you run that by me before the meetings tomorrow? I need to meet with Queen Tatiana to brief her on everything we've discussed."

"She didn't leave Court?" I asked utterly surprised that she wasn't one of the royals that decided to jet off to an island, while the rest of us worried about surviving the upcoming battle.

"No, many of the royal families argued about her safety and urged her to leave, but she adamantly refused, saying that she wouldn't leave her people behind."

For the first time in my life, I felt slight admiration towards the Queen, who in my eyes had always been a self-centered bitch.

"Respect," I muttered to Hans in response.

After setting up a time to meet up with Hans the following day, Dimitri and I said our goodbyes and walked out of the guardian's HQ.

It was 7 a.m. and the sun was shining extra bright today. I silently stood on the front steps of the building, basking in the warmth the sun offered me.

This was one thing I never took for granted since I began living in the human world.

There was something special and intimate about nighttime, but nothing would give me the happiness and protection that I felt when the sun hit my skin.

I breathed the fresh in air deeply and looked over at Dimitri, noticing he seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

Now that I think about it, he seemed like that throughout most of the meeting, too.

I nudged him with my shoulder, pulling him out of whatever trance he was currently in.

"You okay?" I asked him.

He looked behind him, back at the headquarters before turning his attention towards me.

"Let's take a walk," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me along before I had the chance to speak.

Dimitri led us away from the crowded buildings, so we were closer to the edge of the woods where it was completely quiet.

He remained silent for while, but held onto my hand tightly as we walked.

"Are you alright?" I asked again, becoming concerned by his lack of response.

Dimitri looked over at me and I was surprised to see the nervousness clear on his face. I stopped walking, forcing Dimitri to a halt, as well.

"What's going on?"

Dimitri let go of my hand and ran his fingers through his hair, pulling the hair tie completely out in the process.

"Roza I…" he stopped and seemed to be contemplating his next words.

I bought my hand up to his cheek, rubbing my palm against the stubble on his chin. The gesture was meant to calm him down and it seemed to work, because Dimitri instantly relaxed at the feel of my skin against his.

Taking a deep breath, he spoke again.

"I don't want to die in regret."

I pulled back in shock at Dimitri's statement, because that was definitely not what I was expecting him to say.

"What…what are you talking about?"

He sighed again, before explaining himself.

"When we went on that rescue mission in the caves, I didn't think I was going to end up like I had. I was sure that we were going to leave those caves together so I could fulfill the promise I had made to you."

I could feel my eyes watering at Dimitri's mention of that dreaded day. The day of the rescue mission would always be a sore subject for me.

"I want to be positive about this upcoming battle, too but I've come to realize that luck is never on my side." Dimitri ran a hand through his hair again, before he looked at me. He bought his right hand up to tuck some of my hair behind my ear, and let his hand linger there for a moment before dropping it.

"I've made my peace with you. If I die tomorrow, then I'll leave this earth knowing you knew how much I love you. But…I want to be able to say the same thing about our daughter."

I inhaled sharply at Dimitri's mention of Hope. Dimitri rubbed his eyes and looked just as upset talking about this as I was listening to him.

"I thought I could wait until the battle was over to go and see her, but I don't think I can. I can't leave this world knowing I didn't get to tell her I love her." His voice cracked as he finished his sentence and he dropped his gaze from my own.

I wiped my tears away and took a deep breath to steady my breathing. Moving a step closer to Dimitri, I bought my hands up to his face and lifted his head to look directly into his eyes.

"What are you trying to say?"

A tear slipped from Dimitri's eye and I was quick to brush it away.

"Please take me to see my daughter," he whispered, closing his eyes and dropping his forehead against my own. I quickly wrapped my arms around Dimitri's waist and felt him lean into me for support.

"Okay," I said, tightening my arms around him. "Let's go see our daughter."

xxxx

30 minutes after our conversation, Dimitri borrowed a car from the rental garage at Court and we were on our way.

For the first time ever, Dimitri let me get behind the wheel and that was only because I knew where we were supposed to go.

If we hadn't just shared such a somber moment together, I would've outright laughed at the expressions Dimitri made while I drove. Less than an hour after we left, I could see the familiar area come into view.

I pulled over on the side of the road, my advanced wolf eyes spotting the small lake through the trees in the woods. Just to be sure I was at the right spot, I looked further up ahead and saw the same burned down, dilapidated building where Tasha had held me captive for three months.

"This is it," I said, looking over at Dimitri. We were both fidgeting, waiting for the other to make the first move. I wiped my sweaty palms on the front of my jeans and opened up the car door.

Dimitri immediately followed suit, and we both stood at the edge of the woods, not stepping any further.

"I haven't been here since I left for Russia," I told him. "I haven't seen her since then."

I looked up at Dimitri as my eyes filled with tears.

He looked just as grief-stricken as me and we hadn't even stepped foot into the woods yet.

Dimitri gripped my right hand hard and bought it up to his lips. His eyes were just as misty as mine and I knew what we were going to do now was going to be one of the hardest things ever.

"I'm ready," his voice cracked.

I squeezed his hand and used him as the strength I needed to take the first step.

We silently made our way through the woods, our hands tightening against each other's the further in we moved.

Before we got here, I was momentarily worried that I would have trouble finding the exact spot. But as we began to walk, my feet took me to her as if I had been coming here every single day for the past two years.

Almost immediately, I recognized the tree that I had laid her by and halted so quickly, that I ended up tugging Dimitri back.

He looked startled for a moment, but one look at my face told him why I stopped so abruptly.

"Are we here?" he whispered quietly, as if afraid to disturb the quietness around us.

I felt my bottom lip quivering and nodded without looking at him.

I heard him exhale sharply, glancing at the spot I was looking before turning back to me.

"Do you…do you want to go first?"

His nervous tone finally bought my attention back to him. I had no idea how I looked at the moment, but Dimitri looked a wreck. His eyebrows were furrowed and unshed tears lined his eyes.

I had to take the first step, if not for me, then for Dimitri.

I nodded and let go of his hand.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, I took five more steps before settling myself onto the ground. After I had been turned and regained strength in my body, I found a large, smooth stone about the size of my hand. It was flat and beige, with a lighter wave-like design surrounding it.

I had used that as her gravestone.

I gently swiped my hand across the soft, green grass, feeling it tickling beneath my palms. Drops fell on top of it and I noticed a moment later that they were my tears. If I couldn't talk about her without crying, then this was going to be far more emotional for me.

"Hi baby," I whispered with great difficulty. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I tried to continue. "I'm sorry I've been gone so long, but I missed you so much."

I bought the heels of my hands up to my eyes and cried out, because holding back my emotions now would just make it harder for me to continue.

I swiped at my eyes and released a shaky breath.

"There hasn't been a day that's gone by that I haven't thought of you. I know you're with me now more than ever." I paused to look up at the sky, once again feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin. "I can sense you all around me."

I sniffed again and wiped my eyes.

"I didn't come alone," I said and turned to look at Dimitri and the sight of him broke my heart.

He was huddled into himself, his hands clenched tight in front of him, and looking more like a scared little child than the grown man he actually was.

Tears were making a continuous stream down his cheeks and he looked pained beyond belief.

"I bought your papa with me," I said looking straight at Dimitri. He looked so anxious and afraid so I reached out my hand to him, beckoning him to take it.

He rubbed his palms against the front of his jeans and slowly approached me until he placed a shaking hand within my own.

I pulled Dimitri closer and moved to the side, so he sat down at the spot I was previously occupying.

"It's okay," I told him, brushing my hand across his cheeks to wipe away his tears. "I'm here with you, just tell her what it is that you're feeling."

Dimitri nodded weakly and I moved to stand beside him, allowing him space if he needed it.

Just like me, Dimitri barely noticed my presence once he had his attention on Hope.

"Hi moya prekrasnaya doch," he whispered in a broken voice and I clenched my eyes tight at his words; _my beautiful daughter._

"I…I am so sorry," he said and I could see his shoulders begin to shake. "I worked my whole life trying to protect people, yet I couldn't do anything to save you or your mother."

I moved further away from Dimitri and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep myself from shattering apart. I bit down hard on my lip so I wouldn't cry out and bring Dimitri's attention back to me.

"I'm so ashamed of myself. If I had been a better man to your mother, then you would be here and your mother wouldn't have gone through all of the horrible things that she did. I'm so sorry," he repeated again before dropping his head into his hands and weeping.

I bought my hand up to my mouth and silently cried with Dimitri. I didn't think there was any way he would have a harder time doing this than me, but I was wrong.

I had seen Dimitri in his weakest moments- his downfall in the caves, his restoration by the hands of Lissa, and his admission to what it felt like when he thought I died. But nothing compared to the Dimitri I was seeing before me.

I don't know how long it was that he cried like that before I saw him weakly lift his head back up and wipe his eyes.

"You know, since the moment I met your mom, she made all of the bad things in my life go away for me; all of the guilt I carried, my reservations against other people, and the wall that I had built to protect myself. Her presence was all I needed for me to forget about the rest of the world." Dimitri took a deep breath, and then continued. "You would've done the same for me."

I whimpered out loud and Dimitri turned to look at me. I immediately lowered my head, because I knew without having to look in the mirror that my eyes were glowing red.

The overwhelming sadness I was feeling made me too weak to fight my inner wolf off. I couldn't make her go away.

"Come here Roza," Dimitri spoke softly. "Come to me."

I shook my head and closed my eyes, feeling more tears escape me.

"Don't hide yourself from me," he said, telling me he knew exactly why I was so hesitant to approach him.

"I'll break down if I look at you."

"That's alright. Let me be the one to take care of you, come here," he said and I finally worked up the courage to look up at him.

Dimitri didn't even flinch seeing my eyes, as if they were their normal brown rather than the blood-colored red.

He held out his hand for me, much like I had done to him earlier. I crouched down next to him and he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, completely pulling me into his side.

I turned my face into his neck and continued to weep. I felt Dimitri run his fingers through my hair and rest his cheek on top of my head.

"I wasn't able to kiss you, or hold you, or protect you," he voice cracked causing me to cry even harder into his shoulder. "But that doesn't mean I don't love you. From the moment your mom told me about you, I've loved you like I've known you my whole life. And while I couldn't be there for you, I promise I'll do everything in my power to keep your mom safe."

I wiped my eyes and pulled my face away from Dimitri though he still kept a tight hold on my shoulders.

"You know your mom is the strongest person I've ever met. Everything she went through in life, she went through it alone. She saved me in more ways than one, and all she wanted in return was my love. I have a lot of regrets in my life, but my biggest one is what caused me to lose the both of you."

Dimitri dropped his arm from my shoulder and bought both of his hands back up to his head.

He sat there, silent tears falling down his cheeks, and looked down at Hope with deep regret and guilt lining his features.

His broken expression made me instantly think back to everything that had transpired between us these past few days since I came back to court. I thought about our tearful admission of feelings in the gym when I saw Dimitri's tattoo, I thought back to Lissa telling me how isolated Dimitri had become after I disappeared, I thought of how easily he gave himself to me during my needing without complaining once, and mostly, I thought back to how upset and emotional Dimitri became when he believed I had died thinking I didn't love him.

Being here and speaking so openly to hope showed me just how much I needed him, and more importantly, how much he needed me.

"I love you," I whispered and as if the wind had carried the words to Dimitri, he slowly lifted his head in my direction a few seconds later.

"What did you say?" he asked me as he looked at me in surprise.

"I love you," I repeated a bit louder than before. "I don't want to torture myself anymore. I was scared before, to let you back into my life, because you're the only person who I ever gave so much of myself to that hurt me so badly. But I can't say that trying to avoid these feelings is easy for me, because it's not. I want to give us another chance, but I can't take anymore heartbreak."

Dimitri reached forward and cupped my face in his large hands. He brushed his thumbs under my eyes, wiping away the evidence of my emotions.

"I will never hurt you again, just give me one more chance. Let me give you the life I promised you before I died in those caves. Let me give you the life you deserve."

I closed my eyes tightly, letting Dimitri's words sink in. A moment later, I opened them to see his sincerity and love radiating off his face.

Nodding my head, I gripped Dimitri by the shirt and fell into his awaiting arms.

"I love you," I whispered again, holding onto him so tightly that I was afraid he would disappear if I let him go.

"I love you, too," he replied back.

It seemed fitting that this moment here, right by our daughter, would be the place Dimitri and I would agree to move forward with our relationship.

In this moment, my small broken family became whole again.


	14. Update

Hi everyone! I am alive lol. I have been out of the country for the past 4 months and just got back a few days ago. I tried so many times to write and upload while I was away, but it was impossible. The wifi there was shitty and there was only so much data I could use. I am editing both stories and will be uploading them soon. I was surprised to see how many messages I had and figured this was the best way to get a response out to everyone. I am flattered that everyone sent me messages and the last thing I want to do is disappoint anyone. Thank you for being patient and I will be writing and uploading very soon!


	15. Chapter 14

It was a cleansing that needed to happen, like dying before death.

That's what it felt like after visiting Hope's grave with Dimitri.

I felt aged, beyond my 20 years. I felt like I had lived multiple lifetimes, which considering the amount of times I had technically died, was true.

We rode back in complete silence, heavy with grief. I didn't think it was possible, but I felt closer to Dimitri now then I ever did in my whole life. All the best times and worst moments of my life I had gone through with him.

And after this battle, I wanted to go through everything else in life with him.

But we had been through enough emotional moments since I had gotten here. The talk about our future together was important and I wanted to have it after this whole battle was behind us.

Then I could speak with him clearly. For now, we needed to momentarily shake ourselves out of this grief and focus on surviving and saving lives.

Everything else would follow.

XXXX

Hans had multiple meetings with the same information handed out for all of the guardians in court. All of the guardians in court couldn't just leave their charges and posts at once, so he spent half the day going over briefings with everyone.

A final meeting with everyone before the battle began.

I had visited Denis, Lev, Arthur and Tamara early in the day. They had been to one of the meetings earlier, a request they received directly from Hans. Despite taking pride in being unpromised, I knew Hans specifically asking them to be apart of a guardian meeting made them feel important.

We had discussed him giving the guardians a heads-up about who I was now so no one on our side would be alarmed if my wolf form began to take over. I knew it was important for me to have been apart of every meeting, but having to explain to every one over and over again who I was and having them look at me like a freak was something I did not want to do.

Unfortunately, Dimitri decided it was still important for us to have all of the information Hans was giving out to everyone so I allowed him to drag me to the last meeting that was being held for the last group of guardians.

We snuck in quietly and stood in the back, just in the middle of Hans talking about me.

"Can we leave?" I whispered to Dimitri not even a full minute after we walked in.

"Hush," he replied back, not taking his eyes off from the front, where Hans was.

I had missed what Hans had said in the beginning, but one of the guardians in the front raised his hand, trying to get his attention. He gestured for him to speak.

"I thought Rose Hathaway was dead."

"Can we please leave?" I asked Dimitri again only getting a brief, but intense look from him that told me he wasn't going to let me go anywhere.

"No, she is very much alive," Hans told him. Just then he noticed my presence and while looking straight at me, continued to speak. "But she is different." With that, he picked up the remote and turned on the TV behind him.

My confusion quickly turned to horror as I realized he was showing the clip of me at the warehouse to the guardians. I saw before my eyes my transformation on screen, realizing this was the same video that was shown to Dimitri, my parents, and my friends right before my arrival.

"Oh my God," I whispered to myself. I really was a monster. "Oh my God."

"Hey, hey look at me," I felt Dimitri move in front me and when I didn't listen, he lightly gripped my chin, bringing my eyes up to his. "Whatever you're thinking right now, don't."

"How can I not?" I answered back. "Look at me Dimitri," I told him, gesturing to the screen behind him, where I could here not only the screams of the strigoi on the TV, but also the horrified and shocked gasps of the guardians watching it.

"I am," he said staring at me. "I am looking at you. You're the same as you've always been to me."

"But I'm not," I argued.

"You are. To me, you are."

This was hardly the time and place to be having this conversation, but Dimitri's words and the warm and honest look in his eyes made me relax tremendously. Once Dimitri saw I had calmed down a bit, he moved back to my side and I noticed the chaos in the room.

To anyone else, it wouldn't be noticeable, but due to my new form, I had some abilities that the rest of the people in the room didn't have. And that was an extreme heightened sense of smell. I could easily detect a person's dominating emotions just from smelling them and right now, this room reeked of confusion and fear.

Multiple people tried getting Han's attention and others turned to the people next them, talking about how unbelievable the video was that they had just seen.

"Quiet," Hans commanded and instantly silence filled the conference room. "I know you all must have a lot of questions, but unfortunately, I don't have time to answer them all. Yes, Rose Hathaway has gone through some changes since she has been away from court. No, she did not choose to become this. Yes, she is still a loyal guardian, who has been away in Russia protecting the Moroi and Dhampir there. No, she is not a threat to us."

Hans eyes met mine and I hoped he could see the immense gratitude and respect I currently had for him. He called me a guardian, and that in itself was an honor to me.

Most of the guardians caught onto Hans looking away from them and turned in my direction, becoming shocked once again to see me standing there. I gave a quick glance around and stood up straighter than before. Inside, I might be panicking, but I was still Rose fucking Hathaway.

"I will do everything I can to help you all fight this battle," I told them, and could sense the pride Dimitri felt for me practically radiating off of him.

I saw a young guardian, one I had never seen before scoff at my words.

"Are you going to have a pack of wolves help us?" he asked me sarcastically.

"Yes," I told him and he looked taken aback and embarrassed to have been wrong. "As you all have seen, it's quite easy for me to get the attention of wolves in the area to come and help us. They are all around the woods. They know the difference between us and the Strigoi and there is no need for any of you to fear them."

Multiple people starting talking to me at once, asking me questions that I had no way making out.

"Enough," Hans spoke loudly from the front of them room, once again bringing our attention back to him. "As I've already said, there is no time for questions. Strigoi can be coming as soon as the sun goes down. If need be, Rose will have her reinforcements come out and help us, though we do have the element of surprise against them. Each and every one of you has already been assigned an area to protect. The schools will have wards placed around them and the people of Court have already been ordered to get there as fast as they can. It is our responsibility to keep them safe. This isn't like last time, this time, we're ready for them."

Hans placed his hands on the table in front of him and slowly scanned the whole room. He gave off an aura of authority, and we were practically captivated by him.

"Prepare for battle."

This time, Dimitri was the one to tug at my hand, letting me know we should go before the rest of the guardians began to leave, as well.

The rustling of chairs and movements let me know that Hans had dismissed everyone, which was just as well. The sun would be going down in a few hours, so all of us needed to get as much rest as we could.

"I think we can fit in a couple of hours of sleep, don't you?" Dimitri asked me.

I was about to reply, but a strong scent, unlike any other in the room caught my attention.

It was pungent, bitter, leaving a sour taste in my mouth. While the room had the overall scent of nervous anticipation and confidence, this smell stood out like a sore thumb.

I turned away from Dimitri and tried to pinpoint who the smell was coming from, but it proved difficult as the guardians had started to get up and leave.

"Roza," I felt Dimitri tug at my hand again. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure," I told him uncertainly.

I turned around again, looking and failing to find the person who smelled of intense and passionate hatred.

Hatred for me.

XXXXX

It was a testament to how exhausted Dimitri and I really were, because within minutes of entering his apartment, we were fast asleep. We had set an alarm to wake us up two hours before sunset. We were all going by a hunch that the strigoi could be coming today. For all we knew, they wouldn't be showing up until tomorrow or the day after. Still, we had to be completely and fully prepared for anything.

I don't know how long we were asleep for until I was awakened suddenly due to an ache in my chest. We all know I wasn't the healthiest of eaters, so I tried to put it off as heartburn or possibly an upset stomach.

I tried hard to ignore it, but the pain continue to intensify, starting from my chest, and slowly spreading all through my body until I was sitting up in bed and gasping for air.

"Dimitri," I groaned out and he instantly sprang up, awake as ever.

"What's wrong?" he asked me, getting up and walking to my side of the bed.

"I don't know." The words had barely left my lips before I double over in pain.

"What's wrong? Where does it hurt Roza?" I could hear the underlying panic in his voice and wanted nothing more than to reassure him, but I physically couldn't even if I tried.

"Everywhere Dimitri," as hard as it was, I tried to focus solely on the pain and where it was coming from. The pain was deep and not my own, though I could feel it from my head all the way down to my toes.

It also felt familiar.

With a jolt, I was taken back to a different time in my life, one where I was still bonded to Lissa. I could feel everything she would.

This is what that pain felt like, but even worse, because while I would be able to see and understand what I was going through when Lissa felt pain, this experience felt completely different.

It felt as if someone was cutting off each part of my body.

In a panic, I bought my hands in front of my eyes and through the blur of tears, checked to see if all of my fingers were still in tact.

"Something's happening Dimitri," I whispered. I felt all over my body, making sure I hadn't lost something. "Something's happening."

"What do you need me to do Roza?" I felt him pushing back my hair and wiped the sweat that had gathered on my forehead.

I felt like I was losing all of my limbs, over and over again. There was no pause in between the pain. As soon as I felt I lost apart of myself, it seemed to grow back and be cut off again.

"Oh God," I whispered in horrified agony as the realization of what I was going through actually dawned on me. "The wolves."

I looked up at Dimitri, seeing his eyes shining with fear and worry over my mental and physical wellbeing.

"The wolves are dying Dimitri. Someone's killing them all."

"How do you know?" he asked me, confusion masking his face.

"It's hard to explain, but I can feel it."

Wherever I went, the wolves around me essentially became a part of my pack. Without even seeing each other, I accepted them and they accepted me as one of their own.

Losing a member, even one out of thousand, felt as if I was losing a physical part of myself. It felt equivalent to having a limb chopped off. And this wasn't just one wolf dying. They were all dropping dead, one by one.

I pushed Dimitri aside, and trying to ignore the pain, ran out of the room as fast as I could.

"Roza wait!" I heard him shout behind me, but there was no time. I sped through the hallway and down the multiple sets of stairs. I could hear a heavier pair of footsteps behind me. Within seconds, I burst through the door and ran straight in the direction of the woods. Just as I reached the edge, where the line of the woods began, I stopped.

I felt Dimitri stop beside me, looking back and forth between me and the woods.

I knew what I was bound to find and that thought alone made me too scared to move an inch further. The pain that I had been feeling in my body was completely gone, replaced instead by an intense feeling of grief and anguish. Taking a shaky breath, I took my first step into the woods.

I had barely walked 10 steps until I saw them. Like a broken chain, they all laid side by side as far as my eyes could see.

"Bozhe moy," Dimitri whispered in Russian. "What happened to them?"

I had to bite the inside of my cheek so as not to cry out. I could not hear a single one of their heartbeats. Almost 300 wolves, all dead within minutes.

Wiping my eyes, I knelt down in front of the dead wolf in front of and slowly ran my fingers through its fur. There was no visible wound that I could see or feel and I couldn't smell blood on any of them. Leaning down further, I placed my hands on the wolf's jaw and pried it open. It's tongue and gums were practically burned off, and its teeth were rotting. I closed its mouth and went to the wolf next to him, finding his mouth looking the same as the previous ones did. Standing up, I walked behind them, where the area of the woods were more dense.

"What are you looking for?" Dimitri asked, coming to stand next to me.

"I'm not sure," I told him. I leaned down and touched the leaves of a bush closest to me and instantly regretted it.

"Son of a bitch," I hissed out in pain and held my hand to chest.

"What happened?" Dimitri asked, gently taking my hand in his.

"It burned me," I told him. Dimitri inspected my hand and I had the chance to see the wound for myself. My fingertip was red, with the skin peeling off. "How in the hell?"

Dimitri slowly moved his own hand to the bush I had just touched and taking a deep breath, placed his finger on one of the leaves.

I held my breath waiting for him to feel something, but when he pulled his hand away, completely unharmed, I realized what had happened here.

"They were poisoned Dimitri." I turned and looked left then right, seeing the long line of fallen wolves. "It's wolfsbane; incredibly fatal to wolves, especially if taken orally or injected into their bloodstream."

It was why the leaves had burned my hand, but left Dimitri completely unscathed.

What I wanted to know was why? What did somebody gain in killing all of these wolves?

"Roza," Dimitri said slowly, and the tone of his voice made me completely turn in his direction. His eyes seemed troubled, as they darted from the wolves back to me.

"What is it?"

"We have a big problem and we need to find Hans now." He began marching over towards the entrance of the woods and I struggled to catch up with him.

"What's going on Comrade? You're freaking me out."

Glancing at me, he told me everything.

"These wolves were specifically targeted by the one thing that could instantly kill them. Tell me Rose, who do you think would do this?"

I thought for a second, "Strigoi?"

Dimitri shook his head. "Wrong. The sun hasn't gone down yet and you felt their death not even a half an hour ago. And if it was someone from the outside, the guards at the gate or surrounding the perimeter of the Court would have seen them," he explained.

Realization hit me and my mouth dropped open in shock. "Someone from in here did that?"

"Yes, more specifically, someone who knew there were going to be wolves waiting in the woods to help us."

"A guardian," I gasped. Dimitri nodded and I followed him through the doors of the headquarters. I ran in front of him and began pounding on Hans door. "Open up!"

"Jesus Hathaway," Hans muttered in annoyance once he saw who was on the other side of the door. "What do you want?"

"We have a problem," I said, brushing past him and walking straight into his office.

"Oh please come in," he said sarcastically. "Hathaway, why is it that every time I see you, you come bearing bad news?"

"It's a gift of mine," I told him shrugging. Hans walked around to his side of the desk and sat down, gesturing for us to do the same.

"The wolves are all dead, someone poisoned them," I told him, getting straight to the point.

"How? Why?" he asked, sounding and looking surprised.

"We think it was deliberate and on purpose. Only the ones who were present at today's meetings new of the wolves existence," Dimitri said.

"Are you two telling me that a guardian had something to do with this?"

"Yes, and I think I may know who." Dimitri looked over at me shocked.

When he told me on our way over here that the person behind this was a guardian, I instantly thought back to the end of the meeting.

There was someone there who hated me and I was almost positive that individual had poisoned the wolves.

"Do you have a log or sign in sheet of the guardians who were present for the last meeting?" Hans nodded and opened up his file cabinet to look.

"Who is it Rose?"

"I'm not sure yet, but earlier at the meeting when we were getting ready to leave, I could sense there was someone there who hated me. If I look at the log, I might find out who it was."

I loved how Dimitri didn't even question how I was able to sense such a thing. He had gotten so used to my other side that this seemed normal to him.

"Here you go," Hans slid the paper over to me and I bought it in front of Dimitri and I, hoping two sets of eyes could help us find who we were looking for faster.

I skimmed down the list and only one name stood out to me.

Looking up, I glared at Hans so intensely he shifted in his seat.

"Was no one going to tell me Ethan Moore had a brother?"

"Rose," Dimitri whispered from my side but I ignored him.

"You couldn't give me a heads up before I came into that meeting?"

"Rose," he tried again.

"And we told him everything! He killed all of them Hans!"

"Rose."

"Give me his room number. I'll kill him myself."

"Roza!"

"What?" I turned to Dimitri, focusing my glare on him.

"Look," he said gesturing towards the window on my side. Hans and I both turned, and I could hear him sharply inhale.

The sun that had been shining down on our faces when we walked into the headquarters had almost completely disappeared.

"It's too late," I whispered. "They could be here soon. It's too late."

There was no time left to find Ethan's brother, who I had come to learn was named Logan. There was no way of finding out what other damage he had caused beyond the murder of all of the wolves in my pack.

Right now, Dimitri and I had to go and change into our fighting gear.

Because within the next hour, we would be in an all out war.


	16. Chapter 15

This wasn't supposed to happen. From all of the scenarios I went through about this night, this wasn't supposed to happen.

I felt like I was watching from a distance; as a person in the audience rather than a participant in this bloody war.

Years ago, when Dimitri took me to my qualifier, I was shocked to learn that humans had worked with a group of strigoi to take out the Badica family.

The shock continued when I was taken with a group of my friends. There, I had learned that the strigoi wanted to kill off each member of the royal families.

But the event that shook our whole world to its core was the attack at St. Vladimir's. No one could have ever imagined that so many strigoi would band together like they did on that day.

After the attack, nothing about strigoi could surprise me any more.

Until tonight.

And it all started with the blaring of an alarm.

XXXXXXXX

Dimitri and I barely took 10 tens minutes to get into our fighting gear before meeting back with Hans and within that time, the sun had disappeared.

I felt a nervous energy run through my body. The sun was our only protection against the strigoi, and without it, I felt naked and vulnerable.

I wasn't the only one, though. Dimitri rushed me into Hans's office, nervously glancing out the window every few seconds.

Hans wanted to come up with our next best course of action since we found out there was a traitor amongst us.

"Alright first things first, have you heard back from the guardians that you sent out as a lookout?"

Hans had sent a handful of guardians outside of court to report back any suspicious activity they may have suspected regarding strigoi.

A grave look crossed his face and he shook his head once. "Not for the past couple of hours."

I shared a shocked look with Dimitri. _This was not good._

"How many did you send? What was the last thing they said?"

"I sent 5, but they're good, I trust them. The last time I spoke with them was almost 8 hours ago and they said they hadn't seen anything suspicious."

"8 hours?! Hans this is not good," I emphasized and he ran a frustrated hand across his scalp.

"I know Hathaway, I know."

"What do you think it means?" I asked him.

He thought it over, but Dimitri was the one to answer.

"It could mean anything Rose. They could have been taken hostage, killed, or worse."

He didn't have to tell me what 'or worse' meant, because I knew. In our eyes, being turned was far worse than being killed, and no one knew that better than Dimitri.

And if there was a chance that those guardians had been turned, then it meant more precious life that we lost, and more people we would ultimately have to face and kill.

I released a frustrated sigh and moved onto our next problem. "What do we do about Ethan's brother?"

I literally did not even wait two seconds for Hans or Dimitri to respond, instead giving them my own personal opinion. "How about I go find him, kill him, then stop by the holding cells and kill Ethan, too. Two less things to worry about."

"Hathaway, this is time to be serious."

I looked him straight in the eye, "I am dead fucking serious."

"She is," Dimitri said, backing me up to Hans.

"Listen, he poisoned my entire pack. I've killed people for far less than that," I told him matter of factly.

"She has," mumbled Dimitri, backing me up a second time.

"You can't kill anyone, at least not yet. Look, the letter you bought to us when you first came here was written by some mystery person who went by the name 'X.' They mentioned wanting to kill off our queen, so our first priority is to make sure no one gets to her."

I rolled my eyes at his statement. _That royal fucking bitch._

"Fine," I grumbled. "Who knows where she's going to be hiding throughout this whole thing?"

Hans had just opened his mouth to respond before the distant noise of a ringing reached our ears.

"What the hell is that sound?" I asked Dimitri and Hans.

While I was confused, the two men turned to each other slowly, instantly worrying me so much, that I held my breath.

"No," breathed Hans.

The sound would stop and start again, as if someone was shutting it on and off.

"What is it?" I asked louder, trying to get their attention.

Hans turned to his computer, clicked on a few buttons and instantly, the live image of the prison was up on our screen.

I felt Dimitri tense next to me, and I knew he must be remembering the time he was held in one of those cells after being restored. I wanted to comfort him, I really did, but the screen in front of me had all of my attention. Because in front of us, a young guardian was going around, and freeing each and every convict from their holding cells.  
I couldn't tell who the young guardian was, but Ethan instantly ran out of one the cells and hugged the young guardian briefly.

"Is that Logan Moore?" I bit out at Hans, though I knew I already had my answer. "How do we stop them?" I asked him, but he had already beaten me to it, dialing a few numbers on the phone in front of him and waiting for someone to pick up.

"Come on, come on," he whispered. "No one from the cells are picking up. He must have knocked them all out." Hans ran a hand down his face in frustration.

"Then why the hell are we standing here, Dimitri and I will go stop them," I told him, already heading towards the door with Dimitri hot on my heels.

"Hathaway," Hans strong voice stopped me. "You asked me who knows where the queen is." He seemed to have paled and that said a lot, because guardians were known to have tan skin from training out in the sun so much. "Everyone. Every guardian who came to the meetings I held was told where the queen would be kept."

My jaw literally dropped open at his statement. "So where is she?"

He pulled out a map from his desk drawer and laid it out for Dimitri and I to see. We walked back over to his desk to get a closer look of it. "This is the council meeting room, " he said pointing to a big area, then moved further to the left of it. "And here is a secret passageway that connects to it. That's where she's going to be the whole time."

I nodded and to be honest, didn't really care where she was throughout this whole thing. She would have the most amount of guardians with her and I wouldn't be surprised if the building she was in already had extra wards placed around it.

"Alright onto more important things, Dimitri and I will go take care of Ethan and his brother for you." I had only just turned my back to him when I heard Hans call out again.

"Hathaway," I growled in annoyance and turned back around to really lay it on him, but he already had a look of slight fear on his face. "I have bad feeling about this. Head towards the ward line instead."

"But why-"

"Just do it!"

I bit the inside of my cheek, wanting to tell Hans to shove it, but this was his forte. If he had a bad feeling about something, then who was I to argue with him?

Dimitri and I headed out of the headquarters and saw guardians running all around the court in complete chaos.

"Every guardian is issued a walkie talkie that allows them to communicate through different channels. Hans must have already informed them prior to all of this where they are all to go."

"What did he say for them all to get the message so quickly?"

Dimitri glanced over to me and gave me a small smirk. "He told them Buria."

With true guardian efficiency, I saw groups and groups of guardians all heading into different directions. Some were already ushering families of Moroi into the schools which had extra wards placed around them, while others moved into the direction of the wards, like us.

"Wait, wait Dimitri," I said, pulling on his hand and halting his movement. His guardian mask was slipped into place and I could tell he already had his head into what lay ahead. "Something seems off Dimitri, I feel like we're making a mistake."

"What do you mean?" He looked over his shoulder towards the line of trees, where guardians were already running towards.

"Think about it, we haven't heard back from any of the guardians outside of court for hours. A guardian just helped free a jail full of inmates as soon as the sun went down. This isn't like last time, I feel like we're being tricked."

Dimitri looked thoughtful, though his body was still wound up, ready for a fight.

"There were Moroi in that jail, too." He said after a long moment. I furrowed my eyebrows until realization dawned on me, making my eyes widen in horror.

"You don't think they would…?"

"There aren't just wrongfully accused people in that jail Rose. Majority of them are actually evil and I'm sure they would do just about anything to get to freedom."

This changed everything.

We had been prepared for the threat to come from the outside. I was even willing to bet that humans might be accompanying the strigoi that were breaking into the Royal Palace to help them break down any wards they might see.

But never in my wildest imagination did I think that people from the inside would be apart of this, too.

"As much as it kills me to say this Rose, we need to split up."

I looked over to see the pain in Dimitri's eyes and was sure I had the same look in my own. But this is what we were born to do. I may have been away from the life of court, but that didn't mean I lost my sense of duty and purpose. _They come first._

"I'll go towards the woods to keep out anyone who tries to enter and you go towards the prison. Incapacitate them, hurt them, do whatever you can to keep them from turning or breaking down the wards."

I nodded vigorously.

"Be careful," I whispered to him, hoping he could see all I wished and hoped to say clear on my face. "Come back to me."

He gave me a heartbreakingly sad smile and nodded. He pecked me quickly on the lips before turning in the opposite direction.

I made a silent prayer to whoever would listen that we made it out of this battle together.

I had only just turned towards the direction of the prison when I heard it. Using my wolf senses, I picked up on the sound of fighting in the woods.

 _Oh God, they're here._

Even though I was waiting for their arrival since the moment I stepped foot into court, a shiver of fear still went down my back. In Russia, I was only fighting to keep myself alive, but now, literally every single person I loved was here.

The friends I arrived with, my parents, Lissa, hell even Christian meant a lot to me.  
And Dimitri.

I stood there, looking towards the woods where Dimitri just ran and in the direction of the jail, my sense of duty and love warring with one another.

I had to tell myself that if Dimitri could trust me to take care of myself in battle, I had to trust him, too. With that thought, I forced myself to run to the jail.

And if something did end up happening to Dimitri again…

Then I just hoped I would die alongside with him this time.


End file.
